Friday, August 16, 2013

Trigger Points

I'm going to be brutally transparent here and talk about trigger points.

I'm leaving for a retreat this morning and will be gone until Saturday night.  I decided that it would be nice to make a big breakfast this morning before I left.  Generally, we've been eating boxed cereal every single day because I'm just not a breakfast person and don't like eating it nor making it the moment I wake up.  The other problem is everyone has weird schedules too which makes it difficult to plan.

Anyway, I made scrambled eggs and sausage. Nathan had to be to work by 8 a.m.  As I placed it in front of Nathan, I saw this look come over his face.  He generally eats anything, but does have very serious sensory issues with certain textures.  Apparently, scrambled eggs are one of those issues.  He tried to explain to me that they make him feel like he is going to throw up.  He ended up throwing them out and left for work.

I got mad. Because he is 22 years old, I can't force him to eat the eggs and that made me even madder!

As I was banging around the kitchen, stewing, I began to slow down and think.  Why are scrambled eggs getting me so upset?  Don't I have things I hate and won't eat?  So why is it bothering me so much that my kid won't eat my eggs?  Why do I want to force him to eat something that literally makes him gag?

Then I realized, that my way of showing love is through my cooking.  I feel like I am pouring love into my dishes.  It's a way of letting my family know I care about them.  So, in rejecting my eggs, I felt like I was being rejected.

Silly, isn't it?

It's important to recognize the emotions and feelings behind a reaction because it can go a long way towards diffusing a situation.  If I had really thought BEFORE I made breakfast and opened my mouth, I probably would not have reacted the way I did.  An egg rejection does not equal a mom rejection.

What are your trigger points?  Do you have something that makes you fly off the handle or feel hurt?  Are you able to separate your emotions from the situation so you react correctly?

I think it's good to analyze these things from time to time.  

James 1:19-20 says, "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires..."

That's definitely something that I'm working on and unfortunately, failed at this morning.  I'm so thankful that we serve a God who forgives and forgets.  I'm also glad that I have a family who is pretty forgiving as well.

3 comments:

  1. I show love through cooking, too. And baking. When I'm going on a writer's retreat or some such similar thing, I used to stock up the fridge and baked goodies. And every time I came home, most of what I prepared was uneaten and I got upset and hurt. Couldn't my family SEE how much I loved them? Sheesh. Today, I ask them what they want and mostly leave them to fend for themselves. It's less for me to do before I leave and they don't feel obligated to eat what I left.

    Mostly, I'm okay with that, but I still feel a little hurt that they can do well without me. At least for meals. Cleaning the house? That's totally another matter. HA!!

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    1. I hear you on the clean house! LOL!!!!

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  2. My husband is recently retired and when he helps around the house I feel inadequate and as if he is getting into my "territory". Instead of being defensive I am learning to be grateful for the help!
    Debbie

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