Thursday, December 4, 2014

And the Search Goes On

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I've been feeling quite discouraged lately and in the jumbling mess of my thoughts, I have been trying to analyze it and figure out what it is that I'm struggling with.

I know some of it is because I kind of feel embarrassed about the shop closing, even though some of the circumstances were beyond my control.  Some of it is the winter blahs are setting in with the lack of sunshine and warmth and these are always hard months.  Some of it is the feeling of not knowing what my role is here in this church.  I often feel like I'm on the outside looking in at relationships that have been established for years and there is no room for the new kid on the block.

However, much of it is the thing I've struggled with for years.  The feeling of insignificance.  Now before I get a "helpful" lecture, I know significance can only be found in Christ.  I always hesitate sharing these things because then I do have some people in my life who think they have me "pegged". 

I share them because I know that the transparency often helps those struggling with similar issues.  My desire in sharing is not to get it off my chest, but to point people to where the answer is found. :-)

Colossians 3:23-24 (NIV) ~

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

My prayer and my struggling is always to follow the words in Colossians.  It doesn't matter what others think or say.  It doesn't matter if no one else every notices a single thing I do.  It doesn't require a Facebook "like" or comment.  It doesn't matter if I get affirmation or acknowledgment or praise. 

My only desire should be to work for the Lord.  To look to Him for my affirmation.  To serve Him wholeheartedly without looking to the right or left to see if anyone thinks I'm significant.

So, while I do struggle with these things, I am praying through them.  There are many days when I feel like that hurt, little girl who often sat by herself at the lunchroom table, I keep getting back up and keeping my eyes on the Lord.

And I pray for you who struggle with the search for significance too.  I think there are many more people out there who do that won't admit it.  I'm praying that you and I can keep remembering where our true significance comes from.