And the Search Goes On
I've been feeling quite discouraged lately and in the jumbling mess of my thoughts, I have been trying to analyze it and figure out what it is that I'm struggling with.
I know some of it is because I kind of feel embarrassed about the shop closing, even though some of the circumstances were beyond my control. Some of it is the winter blahs are setting in with the lack of sunshine and warmth and these are always hard months. Some of it is the feeling of not knowing what my role is here in this church. I often feel like I'm on the outside looking in at relationships that have been established for years and there is no room for the new kid on the block.
However, much of it is the thing I've struggled with for years. The feeling of insignificance. Now before I get a "helpful" lecture, I know significance can only be found in Christ. I always hesitate sharing these things because then I do have some people in my life who think they have me "pegged".
I share them because I know that the transparency often helps those struggling with similar issues. My desire in sharing is not to get it off my chest, but to point people to where the answer is found. :-)
Colossians 3:23-24 (NIV) ~
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
My prayer and my struggling is always to follow the words in Colossians. It doesn't matter what others think or say. It doesn't matter if no one else every notices a single thing I do. It doesn't require a Facebook "like" or comment. It doesn't matter if I get affirmation or acknowledgment or praise.
My only desire should be to work for the Lord. To look to Him for my affirmation. To serve Him wholeheartedly without looking to the right or left to see if anyone thinks I'm significant.
So, while I do struggle with these things, I am praying through them. There are many days when I feel like that hurt, little girl who often sat by herself at the lunchroom table, I keep getting back up and keeping my eyes on the Lord.
And I pray for you who struggle with the search for significance too. I think there are many more people out there who do that won't admit it. I'm praying that you and I can keep remembering where our true significance comes from.
((hugs)) I don't think it's necessarily a lack of faith or focus. You are in the same "life stage" that I am. My son is 20, daughter will be 18 next week and graduating in May. The next year or two will bring about tremendous changes - some much needed, others I'm still trying to figure out. I don't believe either of us have any doubt in whom we serve - we're just trying to figure out how that works in a rapidly changing life!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Anita!
DeleteOh, Terri. You have so much significance and value, I have never met you face to face but I do value your friendship. I like what Nita said! Life changes and it is hard to change with it. I can understand your feelings about the new Church. You were almost everything in the old Church and here you don't have to do as much. Leaves you kind of feeling lost. (I am feeling the same way in our new Church....just can't seem to fit in but I am trying.)
ReplyDeleteI want to tell you and Nita both....."the empty nest syndrom" is for real. I have experienced it and didn't like it. But God has a plan and that is part of it....whether we like it or not.
Keep on praying and God will show you what the next stage of your life is. He has plans and they are for good.
Love you,]
Debbi
Thanks Debbie. It's definitely a much different church and we do love it here so when I share this, it's doesn't mean bad just different. :-) I don't handle change so well. lol
DeleteLove you too!
I thank you Terri. I truly thank you indeed. You have put the very right words on a feeling I also have. Your post has so touched me that I decided for the very first time to leave a comment. I've been reading your blog for weeks but I've never dared to comment. I'm french and I know that my English is not quite the thing and I'm always afraid to make a blunder....But this time, I decided to speak from my heart, no matter what the grammar is.
ReplyDeleteThank you again.
Sophie D.
Sophie, thank you so much for leaving a comment. And by the way, your English is excellent! Much better than my French, which is non-existent! ;-)
DeleteI'm glad that you found this post helpful. It's such a struggle at times, isn't it? But we just have to keep pressing on and keeping our eyes on the Lord!
Have a blessed day. :-)
Thanks for the reminder, Terri. I think we as women struggle with this a lot. We need to remember daily that we are God's creation and we are "good" and loved. Thanks again. and Hey, we love our "new kid on the block".
ReplyDelete