Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Within My Four Walls

As a mom, my heart strings are tied to my children.  I love them with all my heart and while I'd love to say that I'm a wonderful mother, there are times when I fail miserably.  I have the above plaque in my house and yet, there are so many times when I don't exemplify these words at all.  Last night was one of those times.

I wounded one of my children with my words.  Instead of offering encouragement, I offered criticism.  Instead of being calm and kind, I yelled and lashed out.  Instead of noticing improvement in an area, I pointed out every fault.  I caused incredible hurt to one who is already hurting.  And that isn't the first time I've done that with one of my kids.

I know that while I've gotten much better, I still quite regularly repeat patterns of behavior that I saw as a child and yet, that is no excuse.  I need to learn new patterns.  I must walk with different habits.  I have to do better. 

We calmed down eventually, talked it out, and asked forgiveness of each other.  We cried and prayed together.  But the storm left me with a sick feeling in my heart, knowing that I emotionally knocked the wind out of my child's sails.  Family should be where you can feel safe and secure.

However, I also realize that God extends forgiveness to me as well and today is a new day.  I'm asking Him to help me not to continue being a reactive volcano.  It's hard.  But I don't react that way to those outside my family so I know it can be done.  I want to reflect Christ to all I meet and that includes my husband and children.

My desire is to walk my talk not just outside my four walls but within them as well.