Picture Perfect?

Pictures are funny things, aren't they? You can crop them and edit them and make everything look like it is perfect. They freeze a second in time and make it look like a wonderful memory.

The reality behind this picture and this weekend is that it wasn't all wonderful memories. Yes, Stephen graduated and yes, we were proud and excited for him. There were many great moments, but, we also had some really hard situations and emotions going on too.

Nathan struggled through the entire weekend because he knows his reality is very different. He wants all of the things that his brother has. He wants to be able to look forward with excitement at wonderful possibilities. He would love to be able to go to college. He would like to have an open door and get to pick and choose the things he wants to do.

But he is limited by many things. And while I certainly understand his frustration, this past weekend was not about him, it was about his brother. So there was a constant tension going on. We could see the misery in Nathan's face and yet, we were happy for Stephen. Steve struggled too between being really happy and feeling guilty for it. 

So while pictures can look like everything is perfect, it often isn't. We met with Nathan's job coach yesterday. He found out the day before that she had closed his case because he was doing so well on his job. It was a bit frustrating that she did it without telling us. The reality is while he is doing well at his job, Nathan doesn't want to stay as a grocery store stocker his whole life. He wants to do something with meaning and purpose.

So we had a two hour meeting yesterday and got some paperwork filled out to try and get some help with further education. Nathan has an IEP diploma which, to be honest, is meaningless. He cannot get into college with it. He can't get many jobs with it because it's not recognized as a real diploma. The suggestion always is to get his GED. The problem with that is that he has serious learning disabilities and needs accommodations which many of the adult schools do not have.

His job coach brought a huge list of apprenticeships through our state, but again, they all required a "real" high school diploma or GED. So in order for him to get anywhere, he does need to do something with the educational portion.

He's overwhelmed. We are overwhelmed. But one thing I know. God is not overwhelmed by this. So we will trust Him, work on the necessary steps, a lot of praying and keep moving forward. Pray for my son. He wants nothing more than to make a difference and do something meaningful with his life. We want that for him too and I know that is God's desire as well.