A New Name

It’s 10:00 p.m. and I’m sitting in the Charlotte, NC airport waiting for my connecting flight to go back home to my husband. It’s been delayed by a few hours so I won’t be getting in until the wee hours of the morning. So rather than just sit and stare into space, I’m using this time to share a bit about my week.

I’ve spent the past four days in Colorado Springs at a conference for newly licensed workers in our denomination. Much of the “informational” items I already knew since I’ve been working alongside my husband for the past 15 years in church ministry, but God spoke to me in other ways throughout the week. And they were in much needed ways.

I battle with an issue in my life that has been a struggle since I was a child. It is under control much of the time, but it is something that I continually work through. I come across as self-confident and together most of the time, but I often battle with feelings of being inferior, not good enough and not fitting in. Where I feel this the most is in situations where I’m in a crowd and feel like the outsider. I compare myself and often find myself not measuring up.

When I feel this way, I’m transported back to my childhood when I would attempt to make friends with other children and they would snub me. I would find myself on the outside of a group of children longing to be included but told that I wasn’t wanted. In fact, for many years my nickname at school was “ick.”

When I’m in a crowd of accomplished men and women, I can hear the taunts of those children in my ears and I feel like my name is “ick” again. And once again those feelings I had as a child resurface.

But God reminded me that He loves me. He specifically called me and gifted me to be the very woman that I am today. He chose me out of all the people in the world for this place and this time in my life.

More importantly, He has given me a new name. The name beloved and daughter and friend. He doesn’t look at me and say, “ick!” He looks at me and says, “I love you.” “I chose you.” And “I want great things for you.”

And rather than continually look to others for my validation, the only one I need to worry about pleasing is my Lord. A