A New Name
It’s 10:00 p.m. and I’m sitting in the Charlotte, NC
airport waiting for my connecting flight to go back home to my husband. It’s
been delayed by a few hours so I won’t be getting in until the wee hours of the
morning. So rather than just sit and stare into space, I’m using this time to
share a bit about my week.
I’ve spent the past four days in Colorado Springs at a
conference for newly licensed workers in our denomination. Much of the “informational”
items I already knew since I’ve been working alongside my husband for the past
15 years in church ministry, but God spoke to me in other ways throughout the
week. And they were in much needed ways.
I battle with an issue in my life that has been a struggle since I was a child. It is under control much of the time, but it is
something that I continually work through. I come across as self-confident and
together most of the time, but I often battle with feelings of being inferior, not
good enough and not fitting in. Where I feel this the most is in situations
where I’m in a crowd and feel like the outsider. I compare myself and often
find myself not measuring up.
When I feel this way, I’m transported back to my childhood
when I would attempt to make friends with other children and they would snub
me. I would find myself on the outside of a group of children longing to be included
but told that I wasn’t wanted. In fact, for many years my nickname at school
was “ick.”
When I’m in a crowd of accomplished men and women, I can
hear the taunts of those children in my ears and I feel like my name is “ick” again.
And once again those feelings I had as a child resurface.
But God reminded me that He loves me. He specifically
called me and gifted me to be the very woman that I am today. He chose
me out of all the people in the world for this place and this time in my life.
More importantly, He has given me a new name. The name beloved and daughter and friend. He
doesn’t look at me and say, “ick!” He looks at me and says, “I love you.” “I
chose you.” And “I want great things for you.”
And rather than continually look to others for my
validation, the only one I need to worry about pleasing is my Lord. A
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