Breathing In and Out

My days have been a blur lately. Get up, have my quiet time with the Lord, sip coffee, take a shower, clean up the kitchen, throw in a load of laundry. Then I come next door to the church and study for most of the morning. Go back to the house for lunch and to relax for about an hour. Then sewing, cooking, more studying, more laundry, cleaning, get started on dinner, etc. 

I get back up and start all over again the next day. To be honest, there is nothing exciting happening in my life. No big ministry things. No change. Just day in and day out drudgery. Add to that concern over my young adult children who are struggling with anxiety and depression, concern over my mother, concern over our church, concern for our future and it makes for one big giant mental distraction. And one big knot in my stomach and heaviness in my heart.

I find it interesting that the closer I get to my consecration exams the more a feeling of discouragement is weighing me down. The distractions keep coming at me each day and there are days when I want nothing more than to quit everything, scream and throw in the towel.

But I do believe that's exactly what the enemy would love me to do. Just give up. I keep hearing his lies in my head..."What's the point?" "Why bother?" "You are a failure." "Things are a mess so what makes you think you are qualified to do any of this?" There have been moments when I have audibly had to rebuke those thoughts.

I know without a doubt that God has called me into ministry. I know that He has had a plan for my life since I was a young girl. I know that I am being obedient in following Him. I know He loves me and He loves my family. But those doubts still fly at me. 

And yet, I'm reminded of His words in Psalm 46:10 ~ "Cease striving and know that I am God, exalted among the nations, exalted on the earth." I hear Him whisper, "Settle down and turn those distracting thoughts and worries over to me." "You will see what I can do in all these circumstances if you just let Me handle them." 

And then I feel peace wash back over me. I breathe a deep sigh of release as I mentally turn them to the Lord and trust that He will work all things out for His good. And then I find myself back on track and refocused on the task that He has given me to do.

Breathe in His Spirit, breathe out the anxieties and untruths that are tossed at me, breathe in His peace.