Giving Thanks When Times are Hard

Gratitude, thankfulness, thanksgiving, joyfulness

These are such beautiful words and yet, so elusive for so many. How do you cultivate these in your life especially when things seem so bleak or you are facing hard times?

Can one be thankful for cancer or children leaving the faith or bills coming due with no money to pay them? Can you be thankful when the days seem unending and you cannot see the light ahead?

I think it is possible if we look at these things in a different light. When we begin to develop the ability to find gratitude for little moments it changes things. Those tiny little opportunities for thanksgiving snowball into an overwhelming gratitude even in the face of pain.

My mother passed away from cancer 5 years ago. In fact, three days from now will mark that anniversary. It was a terrible time and yet, there are things about that time for which I can give thanks. The cancer diagnosis was horrible and her last days were so hard. But when I reflect on those days I have gratitude for so many small moments.

I'm thankful that my sister and I were able to care for her right up until her last breath.

I'm thankful we had husbands who picked up the slack.

I'm thankful we were able to care for my stepfather who was lost and sad as Alzheimer's caused so much confusion.

I'm thankful his children were able to be there to support their dad.

I am thankful for hymns playing and reading scripture passages aloud that calmed my mom when she was agitated.

I'm thankful for this experience that drew my sister and I closer together. 

I developed a new appreciation and love for my sister as I watched her operate on little sleep and have so much compassion for my mom.

I'm thankful for moments of sleep-deprived laughter over small things. Those moments relieved times of stress.

In the moments of tension and anger and hurt as we both were dealing with so much stress there was also forgiveness and hugs and talking it through.

There were days when I thought, "I cannot take one more moment!" And yet, I withstood that next moment and God showed me how much stronger I am when I depend on Him.

Being shown that there is beauty even in death. Every breath in and out was one more moment to show my mom how much we loved her.

The absolute compassion shown not only to my mom but to us by the hospice nurses.

Friends who sent texts or messages or cards, letting me know how much they cared. Small little gifts of gas money came which helped.

Processing deep familial hurts with my sister.

Getting to know my stepfather's children during this time and developing appreciation and love for them.

My mom was sedated for much of the 3 weeks leading to her death except when she was experiencing pain. However, at one point when we were caring for her she came out of the medicated haze, looked at us and said, "You both are such good daughters. I love you." Those words meant so much.

Going through family pictures and talking over memories.

God used this time to help me understand loss which allows me to minister to others going through it.

There are so many more moments that bring thankfulness to my heart as I remember them. Cancer is terrible. Death is painful. We want to avoid the hard things we face. But the reality is we will all face something in this life that is painful. But as we do, shifting our focus to find the good in the hard will change how we deal with that pain. 

The alternative to developing gratitude, thanksgiving and joy is a hardening of our hearts. The opposite is developing bitterness, anger, unforgiveness, and even hatred. When we go through hard times we can rant and rave and cry and wish it weren't happening. But that won't change the fact that those hard things are happening.

We can acknowledge that we don't like our circumstances. We can ask God to help us in them. We can even ask Him to change some of the problems we face. But when we also begin to see what good we can glean from them, it changes us for the better. 

It's Thanksgiving next week and as I look at my life, I want to continue to give thanks for the way the Lord is at work. Even when I'm facing hard times, I want to find some good in it. And as I walk through whatever it is I'm going through the main good I can find is that I am not walking through it alone.

And that is the reason we can all give thanks.