Hearts in Service Blog

I find that no matter how much I may wish for things to slow down that time just keeps marching on. This is especially true in my role of motherhood. I loved having babies, toddlers, preschoolers and young children. However, no matter how much you want them to stay little, children grow up and change. And I really don't want to perpetually stay in the baby stage anyway. I'm actually enjoying this new stage of having young adults. Once I got past the "still treating them like children" part of motherhood, I find that I like having young adults that I can talk to on the same level. They make me think, cause me to laugh and yes, send me to my knees in prayer often too. Every now and then I slip back into "mothering" and "correcting" mode and that causes a bit of friction, but those fireworks are getting less and less. I've been learning to take an interest in some of the things they are interested in. For example, Stephen loves all things s...

In an attempt to make today less crazy I started making bread yesterday for this afternoon's market. As I was standing in the kitchen and kneading the dough, Emily was watching me for a few minutes. She said, "I like when you do these things because you are so cute." "Cute?," was my response. "Yes, it's old-fashioned!" lol She went on to say, "This is never going to be 'my thing!'" My response to her was that it wasn't my thing either when I was her age. It was only after I got married and had children that I developed an interest in any of these domestic pursuits. This conversation got my mind wandering down a line of thought about passing things on to our children. I think so much of what they learn comes through watching us throughout the years more than what we intentionally try to teach them. My hope is that my children have learned some good character traits by seeing us live them out year after year. On t...

Yesterday, my eldest child turned 28 years old. At the end of the month my youngest will be turning 20. When did that happen? It seems like I blinked and children have become adults.  As they have entered into their 20s there have been some bumpy spots as I've had to learn how to relate to adult children in a whole new way. Ordering them around, especially the boys, just doesn't get the same results as it used to when they were young. ;-) After dinner the other night, Stephen and Dan were talking about faith and teens and discussing how many young adults were turning their back on their faith. Stephen made the observation that some of it has to do with the way parents relate to their middle school and high school aged kids He said that when teens start questioning their faith, many parents have a tendency to give them trite Sunday school answers and shut them down immediately. Some parents relate to their teenagers like they did when they were little. It was nice to he...

I often stress about things and one of the things that causes me the most anxiety is my children. I know I shouldn't do it, and work hard to let go of those concerns and give them to God, but I have spent many a sleepless night being anxious. And yet, there are those moments of clarity when the very thing I worry about has been turned around and used by the Lord for good in my child's life.  Stephen graduated last May and spent the spring and summer working first as an intern in a church, and then went on to work in our district's camp for the rest of the summer. He came home after Labor Day and spent 5 months looking for work. It was a hard time for him, and to be honest, me! He was depressed and angry and let's just say there were some rough patches. I worried that he'd never find anything. There aren't a lot of opportunities around here. He also has generalized anxiety disorder and sometimes that causes difficulties. The other things that I stress a...

I wanted to come back to the topic of my post the other day on being thankful that I stayed home with my children. The main reason I want to revisit it is that I always want this blog to encourage others and I don't want anyone to feel if they made a different choice it was a lesser one.  I struggled so many times which is why I flip-flopped with going back to work at times. But for our family and our children it turned out being a good choice. When I was working I found that I poured myself into that so much that my family suffered. I do have a tendency to plunge into things so deeply that there is no balance. I have a child on the autism spectrum who needed me. I have another child with generalized anxiety disorder. My third child has life-threatening food allergies that required so much prep work. So for us, it made sense. I can also tell you that if my husband wasn't a pastor in churches that provided us with either a parsonage or housing allowance, it w...

Throughout the years various people have called into question our decision for me to be home with the kids. Living on one income can be difficult and often the advice I was given was, "Why don't you get a job?"  And while I toyed with that from time to time and there were periods when I did work, I still had a desire to give my children the security of knowing I was there for them. We have three children who have unique needs and I wanted to be available for whatever it was they needed. I also know my tendency to become a workaholic and I didn't want that to happen. It was a choice we made and a choice that does bring about consequences. One of the consequences was that we didn't have money for many things that our friends did. Another consequence was having to deal with comments from others at times.  A third consequence is one that I'm just realizing. The blessing of having children who have fond memories of their childhood! It wasn...

The way that I feel connected and loved is through words of affirmation. All it takes is just a word or two and I'm good to go for a while. It's amazing how much that does for my spirits and desire to keep moving forward and serve. Yesterday afternoon I received some words of affirmation and I went from feeling very down and discouraged to being upbeat, excited and ready to continue in my ministry. It's like a dose of adrenaline for me. All of this lead to some reflection about my own children and their particular love language and then it lead to a lightbulb moment about a situation I've been dealing with. One of my children is a lot like me which is probably why we clash from time to time. When I ask this one about something, in their ears it's coming across as me treating them like they are still a child. When I make a suggestion, they hear, "You can't do anything right." It's a vicious cycle that we've been going around and around f...

It has been such a busy weekend and today is going to be busy as well. We have church this morning and then we are taking Emily back to college so will have a 6 hour round trip. When Emily found out we were going elsewhere for Thanksgiving, she wasn't happy. So she asked me if we could at least do our own Thanksgiving dinner when we got back home.  I asked her why and her response made me laugh. She said, "I like the smell of turkey when I wake up in the morning." And then later on she said, "I like when you set the table with pretty china and candles!" I think I may have spoiled my children! But I truly understand what she meant. She wanted the special touches that I usually do during the holidays. She wanted our meaningful traditions. We go around the table and say what we are thankful for, and then we pray for our meal. We set up the tree and decorate for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving. There are certain foods we ...

Yesterday was one of those days that I thought would never end. On both ends of the day, I had to talk two of my kids through issues that left me feeling drained. I tend to absorb other people's emotions and that's never a good feeling when dealing with their mess. I will be brutally honest here and admit I generally have a difficult time keeping a lid on my emotions during these times. This morning as I sat on my deck having my time with the Lord, I felt sweet peace wash back over me. These verses were a good reminder to me. The earth is in His hands so I have no need for anxiety. He has my children in His hands too and is looking out for them. He is using all these circumstances in their lives to shape and mold them into the men and women He wants them to be. The one thing that is certain is that as I walk these muddy waters with adult children, it is keeping me on my knees and seeking the Lord for wisdom. I've discovered something else too. I've spoken w...

It hits me in waves and out of nowhere every so often. That feeling like things are changing and I can't catch my breath and where did the time go? I'll go merrily along my way each day for weeks and then, Bam!, another wave in the face. It actually happened a couple of times yesterday. I was sitting and chatting with my hair dresser and we were chatting about crop share farms and the pros and cons of whether they would work for us. I mentioned to her the fact that I do a lot of canning and when I want tomatoes I want a whole case. Then the thought occurred to me that with only three of us home I may not need that many tomatoes.  Instant tears. It happened again yesterday afternoon when Emily texted me, fussing about why did I let Stephen sleep in her room. The silly young man took a selfie of himself in his cap in gown in her room so the cat is out of the bag! lol  I texted her back that it was just until he leaves next week and that she won't be home this s...

I love teenagers and for the most part I can look past their quirks. They can be self-centered and silly and focused on the wrong things. They aren't always appropriate and they often are reactionary. But I love them anyway because they also can be sweet and kind and fun!  But the one thing that always makes me sad and a little at a loss as to what to do is when I see them fighting battles via Facebook or other social media and calling out someone through that means. Rather than deal with conflict face to face, they will take to their keyboard or keypad on their phone to type or text meanness.  And all that does is escalate the situation, get others in the midst of it, and make themselves look bad. From time to time I've had to deal with this in our ministry. I've had to gently remind teens of the way to handle conflicts. Some have listened, but many have not. And because they aren't my children there really isn't anything more I can do.  The thing th...

The thing that seems to cause the biggest anxiety in my life is my children. As their mom I worry over the little details and I often have to take these concerns to the Lord. I thought it would get easier as they got older, but I find the opposite is true. The problems are bigger and I no longer have any control.  Yikes! Stephen finished up his college career in December and will be walking at graduation in May.  But since December he has been home and facing the overwhelming task of finding a job.  He would like to be a youth pastor because he doesn't feel like he has the experience or age to be a lead pastor in a church.  However, other than camp jobs, he really doesn't have a lot of experience at this.  His degree was in pastoral ministries so it's going to limit the type of jobs he can get. His student loans are going to kick in when June comes around so he really needed to find something quickly. Unfortunately, we do not have an extra bedroom and whe...

T here are so many times when I wish my children were little again so I could protect them from the big, scary world out there.  I remember fussing about something Nathan was doing when he was around two years old and an older women in my church told me, "Honey, these are called lap problems."  "You pull them onto your lap and the problem is solved!" She was so right. Now that I have adult children it's so much harder because their problems are bigger and I can't control anything. I can't make them do what I want. I can't make them choose what I think is best for them. I can't do anything. Except pray. And ask God to speak to their hearts.   I am finding that having adult children is increasing my prayer life. I really have great kids and they generally make pretty smart choices. But I get anxious for their future. As my daughter begins to date, I want her to make the best decision of who to choose. As Stephen looks for work, I want him to...

Many years ago when I was homeschooling, I had a friend who would tell me the importance of finishing strong.  What she meant by that was not to give up, fizzle out or become lethargic as we raised our children.  She was speaking within the context of homeschooling, but I understood that to mean my role as a mother. There are so many forces fighting against our children nowadays.  Peer pressure, social media, and a host of issues that weren't even present when we were growing up.  Yet, so many parents tend to drop the ball, throw up their hands and give up. Parenting is such a hard job and it really is easy to give in to laziness and just let the kids do whatever they want.  But, the reward that comes in the end when you persevere is wonderful.   We've had to talk our children through many situations and problems.  We've also had to learn to let them solve some of these things on their own.  I've had nights of despair, wondering what I co...

    I might as well warn you now that over the next few weeks, some of these posts are going to be more reflective.  With my youngest heading off in just 7 days, I have spent so much time in looking back at my life as a mother.   The summer months mean that I spend a lot of time both outdoors and in my kitchen, canning.  And that means I have a lot of time to reflect and think.  As I've been sitting on my deck in the early mornings reading and praying, and then working in my kitchen, pounding cabbage into sauerkraut and making umpteen jars of jam, I have been reflecting much about my children. When the doctor put that little body into my arms I never knew how much a child could change your life.  The love that overwhelmed me for each one is not something that can be described.  From the moment that I first looked in those beautiful eyes something changed within myself.  There was an immediate connection that coul...

Time is racing by and my to-do list includes things like send in student orientation payment, mail graduation party invites and make sure college paperwork is together. Emily graduates on June 23rd and Stephen will be finished up in December.  Nathan just turned 26 years old and Emily will be 18 at the end of the month.  There are days when I feel as if things are moving all too fast.  I'm afraid that I'm missing precious moments because I get distracted with other things. So as I remember to do so, I've been snapping pictures.  Dan, Stephen and Emily were playing baseball the other night and it made my eyes well with tears because of the special bond my kids have with their dad.  He is a good father who has always spent time with his children.  They are so blessed to have Dan has a dad. I'm fairly certain I will have a hard time when Emily goes off to school, but I have a feeling it's going to be rough on Dan.  She is...