The Moment When You Realize You've Done Some Things Well

 

 

I might as well warn you now that over the next few weeks, some of these posts are going to be more reflective.  With my youngest heading off in just 7 days, I have spent so much time in looking back at my life as a mother.  

The summer months mean that I spend a lot of time both outdoors and in my kitchen, canning.  And that means I have a lot of time to reflect and think.  As I've been sitting on my deck in the early mornings reading and praying, and then working in my kitchen, pounding cabbage into sauerkraut and making umpteen jars of jam, I have been reflecting much about my children.

When the doctor put that little body into my arms I never knew how much a child could change your life.  The love that overwhelmed me for each one is not something that can be described.  From the moment that I first looked in those beautiful eyes something changed within myself.  There was an immediate connection that could never be broken.  

Every emotion, tear, joy and sorrow that my children face, I feel.  They are the only ones I know that can cause me such anxiety and worry, and they are the only ones I know that can cause such pride.  

I made the choice to try and stay home with my children and other than a few times here or there, I have done that consistently.  I have worked hard to be available for them, though to be honest, I haven't always done that so well.  

But as Emily goes off to college, I can say that I have no regrets about being a stay-at-home mom. Throughout the years I've gotten the impression from some that I should be doing some sort of "real" work, but I've considered raising my kids a job in and of itself.  

And I'm grateful for my choices when I've heard gratitude from my children.  That has made it very worthwhile.  We've had to sacrifice many material things in order for me to be able to do this, but both Dan and I have felt that it was what was best for our family.

I'm probably going to bawl all the way home when we drop Emily off next Thursday. I have to say that I am anxious that she is going to a state university, as opposed to the small Christian college that Stephen attends.  She is facing things that I would rather have her not face.  But I also know that we have worked hard to teach her.  We have had many discussions about situations she may face.  We have entrusted all of our children to the Lord and she has to make her own decisions. And she has a very good head on her shoulders.  

Multiple times a day she comes and hugs me and says, "I'm going to miss you!"  So she isn't making this easy on me (smile) but, I am so very thankful that we are close.  I am so thankful that my men also aren't afraid to say, "I love you." either. All three of them talk to us about everything. So as I reflect back, despite all our mistakes (and there are many), there were things that I think we've done well.

And for that I'm grateful.