Struggling
Isaiah 51: 12-16 (New Living Translation)-
"I, yes I, am the one who comforts you.
So why are you afraid of mere humans,
who wither like the grass and disappear?
Yet you have forgotten the Lord, your Creator,
the one who stretched out the sky like a canopy
and laid the foundations of the earth.
Will you remain in constant dread of human oppressors?
Will you continue to fear the anger of your enemies?
Where is their fury and anger now?
It is gone!
Soon all you captives will be released!
Imprisonment, starvation, and death will not be your fate!
For I am the Lord your God,
who stirs up the sea, causing its waves to roar.
My name is the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.
And I have put my words in your mouth
and hidden you safely in my hand.
I stretched out[d] the sky like a canopy
and laid the foundations of the earth.
I am the one who says to Israel,
‘You are my people!’"
I've been really wrestling with some things in my life lately and thought I would talk about it a bit this morning. I usually try to keep this blog fairly light with cooking, crafting, and family things but every now and then I get in a reflective mood and it helps me to get it down on paper (or screen in this case).
These verses kind of leaped out at me this morning and it's something I've been wrestling with lately. I really recognize the fact that I live in fear of other people. I'm not afraid of them in the sense of being shy or that they will physically hurt me, but I'm afraid of their disapproval.
It truly feels like bondage sometimes and of course, I'm in the worst position as a pastor's wife to have this be my struggle! LOL Little things will get my stomach churning and I've been anxious all week. The reason? Well, after being the lead teacher in children's church for 12 straight weeks, I decided I need a break once in a while and am planning on having the children sit in the morning service on communion Sundays which is the first Sunday of the month in our church.
My reason for this is this way I can participate in communion and those children who have made a decision to follow Christ can partake of it also. This will allow the children to learn to sit with their parents quietly (hopefully) and families can worship together.
However, ever since I made this decision and have planned on announcing it this Sunday, I've been anxious of what people will say. I'm afraid that the children won't act properly in church and then I'll get blamed. I'm worried about those kids who really enjoy children's church. I worry that people will think I'm being selfish.
Do you see how my thoughts and worries can take me right down this long dark path!!! Yes, I have been reading over and over, "Take every thought captive!" but it's still my tendency. Discernment is one of my spiritual gifts and it's weird how I can pick up others moods and thoughts that even others can't. However, this gift is also a curse! I can usually get a sense almost immediately of when someone is upset about something when Dan absolutely does not get the same read. And 9 times out of 10 I was dead on. However, the problem with this spiritual gift is that I feel like I'm consumed with making everyone happy.
So, I've been dealing with and wrestling with God over this week. I'm not sure how to break it but I'm trying! I know I need to remember that God does not want me to live in fear of other's feelings and preferences but it is something I'm struggling with.
I realize that not all of you struggle with this and I'm being very transparent, but I find it helps me to be open about my struggles. Of course, the fear that you will think less of me will probably give me something more to worry about! LOL!
"I, yes I, am the one who comforts you.
So why are you afraid of mere humans,
who wither like the grass and disappear?
Yet you have forgotten the Lord, your Creator,
the one who stretched out the sky like a canopy
and laid the foundations of the earth.
Will you remain in constant dread of human oppressors?
Will you continue to fear the anger of your enemies?
Where is their fury and anger now?
It is gone!
Soon all you captives will be released!
Imprisonment, starvation, and death will not be your fate!
For I am the Lord your God,
who stirs up the sea, causing its waves to roar.
My name is the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.
And I have put my words in your mouth
and hidden you safely in my hand.
I stretched out[d] the sky like a canopy
and laid the foundations of the earth.
I am the one who says to Israel,
‘You are my people!’"
I've been really wrestling with some things in my life lately and thought I would talk about it a bit this morning. I usually try to keep this blog fairly light with cooking, crafting, and family things but every now and then I get in a reflective mood and it helps me to get it down on paper (or screen in this case).
These verses kind of leaped out at me this morning and it's something I've been wrestling with lately. I really recognize the fact that I live in fear of other people. I'm not afraid of them in the sense of being shy or that they will physically hurt me, but I'm afraid of their disapproval.
It truly feels like bondage sometimes and of course, I'm in the worst position as a pastor's wife to have this be my struggle! LOL Little things will get my stomach churning and I've been anxious all week. The reason? Well, after being the lead teacher in children's church for 12 straight weeks, I decided I need a break once in a while and am planning on having the children sit in the morning service on communion Sundays which is the first Sunday of the month in our church.
My reason for this is this way I can participate in communion and those children who have made a decision to follow Christ can partake of it also. This will allow the children to learn to sit with their parents quietly (hopefully) and families can worship together.
However, ever since I made this decision and have planned on announcing it this Sunday, I've been anxious of what people will say. I'm afraid that the children won't act properly in church and then I'll get blamed. I'm worried about those kids who really enjoy children's church. I worry that people will think I'm being selfish.
Do you see how my thoughts and worries can take me right down this long dark path!!! Yes, I have been reading over and over, "Take every thought captive!" but it's still my tendency. Discernment is one of my spiritual gifts and it's weird how I can pick up others moods and thoughts that even others can't. However, this gift is also a curse! I can usually get a sense almost immediately of when someone is upset about something when Dan absolutely does not get the same read. And 9 times out of 10 I was dead on. However, the problem with this spiritual gift is that I feel like I'm consumed with making everyone happy.
So, I've been dealing with and wrestling with God over this week. I'm not sure how to break it but I'm trying! I know I need to remember that God does not want me to live in fear of other's feelings and preferences but it is something I'm struggling with.
I realize that not all of you struggle with this and I'm being very transparent, but I find it helps me to be open about my struggles. Of course, the fear that you will think less of me will probably give me something more to worry about! LOL!
Hello Terri - I don't think anyone could ever think less of you in fact such a poignant & honest post just makes me cherish our blogging friendship even more :)
ReplyDeleteIt is the you that God created that makes you such a lovely person and effective pastor's wife.
The children in our church come to service once a month and love it and we all love having them. And we get to enjoy fellowship with the group leaders.
Any naysayers must remember that we are all God's children regardless of age and none of our behaviours are ever perfect.
And I think God wants us all to come together to worship- young & old together.
Do not worry about your decision it was made prayerfully & sincerely.
"Let you light shine", hold your head high and announce your decision knowing the Lord stands right beside you, cheering you on :)
Much love,
L.x.
Terri, your honesty is such a blessing to us all. I think this is quite a common thing in women...I certainly know exactly where you're coming from! Have you read the book, "Approval Addiction" by Joyce Meyer? It helped me a lot. I'm sure all will go well at church. :)
ReplyDeleteTerri, I feel the same way most of the time. I guess we are "people pleasers". Hang in there and don't worry about the church thing. It sounds like a great idea to me! See, you have my approval, even though I don't count in the case. :o)
ReplyDeleteTerri, our church does the same thing on Communion Sunday so I think its a great idea as we get to have the whole church family in there at least one Sunday a month!! As for pleasing people I think we all struggle with that from time to time and your being a pastors wife would definitetly make you want to please everyone, but you never will and all you can do is be true to God and yourself and the others will have to understand and if they don't then maybe you could suggest they volunteer for childrens church!:0) Have a wonderful weekend!~Wendy
ReplyDeleteTerri,
ReplyDeleteYes, I struggle with this and understand. I have dealt with it since I was a girl. I so appreciate your transparency and your courage.
As far as the children misbehaving in the church, if they are sitting by their parents then it is theirs to deal with the behavior issues. I know you know that. This maybe a growing experience for the children and the church.
You have two to answer to and seek approval our Heavenly Father and your husband.
Ok, my worrying rearing its head here.(lol) I hope you received that from my heart.
Hugs,
Miriam :)
Terri, I've struggled with this too. It's in my nature to be a "pleaser".
ReplyDeleteThe year that I was PTA president and parents called me to complain (of course these were never the people who actually helped with anything) was nearly my undoing. I spent many a night crying on my husband's shoulder. The good part about it was that it was a refining fire in a lot of ways. I finally realized in my heart that I can't please everyone and that's OK.
Thanks for sharing your struggles with us. Your decision sounds like a good one to me. Blessings!
I think you idea is right on the mark. The kiddos do need to learn to sit and 'glean'. But the teachers also need that time as well.
ReplyDeleteOur former church had 'family' Sunday the last Sunday of every month and it worked well.
I've been where you're at as (one) a Pastor's wife, and (two) wondering what people will say or think.
Something that has really helped me thru this is knowing that when the Lord truly instructs me to do something, my first response is obedience. If that bothers or 'offends' someone else, then that is an issue they need to take up with the Lord. I chose not to carry their 'problem' and/or be intimidated by manipulation or control.
Definitely freeing!
God bless
Terri, relax. Let God take care of the worries.
ReplyDeleteIn our church we have a family service once a month so that the children can come in with the parents, the parents can receive Communion. The congregation are always asked to accept the fact that little children might run around, and it seems to be accepted. They are the parents responsibilty not yours.
Praying that you will rest calmly about it all.
Terri,
ReplyDeleteIt looks like your blogging friends have given you excellent advice so you really don't need mine.
But if you have prayed about something and feel that the Spirit is leading in a certain way, just be decisive, make the decision and follow through.
Don't worry what other people say, you can't please all people all the time for no matter what you decide there will be someone who will be unhappy about it.
Besides, everyone needs a break once in a while and it wouldn't hurt to have the children sit in church one sunday a month but if someone does complain then ask them to take over children's church so that you can be in church on communion sunday. That probably would be enough to stop the complainers.
Love
Mom