Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Tuesday Thoughts

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I've had all kinds of thoughts mulling around in my brain lately and thought I'd share some of them here. I don't think this will be a weekly event, but who knows!

Disclaimer: Before I start I should say that I am not in any way, shape or form judging those who do work outside the home. I don't think God calls everyone the same way. We are all in different seasons of our lives and have different circumstances. I'm talking about what He has been speaking to *me* about the past few months.

I love staying at home and taking care of my family. I truly believe that my children feel secure knowing that when they come home I'm there. There is a snack waiting for them and dinner is planned out and cooking. I'm there to talk about their day and work out any issues. I'm available to volunteer in their schools and see their programs and whatnot. I'm home if one of them are sick from school or needs to go to an appointment.

In fact, the school called a bit ago and Nathan was sick so I went and picked him up. Next week, Nathan has an appointment with the geneticist and Stephen has one with the endocrinologist on Friday. Both appointments are in the early afternoon because you have to take what you can get with specialists.

Dan & I don't have family nearby to help us with some of these things. In fact, we don't have anyone to help with the children. Everyone I know works during the day!

Nathan, who has autism, thrives on a routine and things being the same. Any deviation off what he expects throws him all off kilter. He looks forward to coming home and knowing what to expect. The other two are the same way. They have commented that they like that I'm home in the afternoons.

I also love that I can help my husband in the church. I am able to go on visitations with him. I'm available to type things up for him or field phone calls. I play a lot of roles in the church that I would not be able to do if I worked full-time. I'm the church secretary, I run all the children's ministries and I also organize most of the outreach events.

I LOVE that I can do this. I've been more and more convicted that this is exactly where the Lord wants me. I do substitute teach from time to time and the reason that works is because it's sporadic and the schedule is the same as the kids.

Dan was telling me that he likes it when I am firm in my convictions and not wishy-washy. However, it is difficult for me because I know that many people don't view what I do as important. In fact, most would say that I'm not contributing much to the household financially or society as a whole.

The problem comes in that I can let that affect me. I start feeling like I have to justify what I do and why I do it. I need to get others to understand. However, what if they never understand? Can I stand firm even in the face of opposition? I told Dan that if tomorrow the church board said that I should get a job because they can't afford Dan full-time that I would feel like I have to do it and throw away my value system because someone thinks differently.

I am praying and working on getting my values so firm and strong that I don't waiver in them no matter what people think or say. I tend to worry about what people think. I want to please them and it bothers me if they think badly of me. I guess Dan is not in a great profession for me to be like that! :-)

That is some of the reason I am writing it out here. I have all these thoughts going on and unless I put them down on paper, or computer in this case I'm not very clear. I want to be able to articulate my thoughts clearly to others and this is a way to work on that.