I've been dealing with bad attitudes around here lately. Anger, frustration, raised voices, snippy responses, depression, irritation. These attitudes are coming out of me! I'd like to blame it on the long winter or pms or a host of other things. However, the reality is that we make a choice every day. We choose to either use kind or unkind words. We choose to be satisfied or dissatisfied. We choose to let our sinful natures rule or not! We know what to do, but don't always make the decision to change.
I'm finding that my attitude rubs off on others. My dissatisfaction causes my husband to feel dissatisfied with circumstances in turn. My angry response elicits angry responses in my children and husband. My irritation is infectious. I hear irritation in the kid's voices as they talk to one another. As I start to get angry in response, I am reminded that they hear this in my voice almost every day.
Then starts the cycle of feeling depressed and defeated. I had a dream the other night that I was on a water slide. Just so you know, I hate water slides. They scare me. I want to stay facing forward, yet I always get turned around and can't see where I'm going.
In my dream I was on a long, loopy slide and kept getting turned around and upside down. It doesn't take a psychologist to realize that I've been feeling out of control. Feeling like I want to go in a particular direction, yet seem to go the opposite way.
It reminds me of Paul's words in Romans 7:19-24 ~
"For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?"
Verse 24 is the one I love....
"Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! "
Just about the time I feel despair, I'm reminded that I can have victory through Jesus Christ. It is through my weakness that I'm drawn closer to Him. It is in my inability to change my attitude in my own strength, that I seek the strength of the Lord! He gives me hope in the midst of despair.
I'm a work in progress, but I thank God that I recognize that I am working towards something. So when I fail, I ask forgiveness of both God and my family and keep on trying.
This week I'm thankful for Blessings #181-190
♫ A family that forgives my failings.
♫ The beauty of ice covered snow.
♫ Playing scrabble with my children.
♫ Watching flames dance.
♫ A family with servant hearts.
♫ Bagels, warm from the oven.
♫ Stephen passing yet another State exam needed to graduate next year.
♫ Listening to my husband preach from God's word.
♫ Teens who make me laugh.
♫ A warm, sunny Sabbath day that cheered my spirits.