Contentment
I went grocery shopping yesterday and ran into a woman I worked with last year. We chatted and enjoyed pleasantries and then she asked me, "So, what are you doing now?" My mind went blank and I stammered something about taking Nathan back and forth to school. "Oh." Then we moved on to the next topic.
After I left her I wanted to kick myself for freezing up. For feeling embarrassed that I was home. For feeling that I was not contributing to society for deliberately choosing not to work.
Ever since I was little I played house. I would carry my baby dolls around and feed them bottles and pretend I was cooking dinner. I dreamed of the day when I would have a husband, children and my own home.
Then I went off to college and entered the work force. After college, it was on to seminary where I met and married Dan and we went into full-time ministry. Over the years I've done many worthwhile things. I was the director of an adult literacy program. I've taught English as a Second Language. I was the assistant director of an early learning center and was responsible for the care of 80 infants and preschoolers of poor, working mothers. I've tutored children who struggle with reading. I've worked as a Kindergarten aide.
But those worthwhile things never took the place of my desire to care for my own home, my own husband and my own children. Perhaps a lot of my desire comes from the lack of a complete family growing up. I love my mother and she did a wonderful job with the hand that was dealt her, but being a single mother is hard. It's hard to be both father and mother and have to work long, hard hours just to put food on the table. There was no time or energy for some of the little touches that can mean a lot. Again, my mother did a fantastic job and I don't want her to feel badly about our upbringing.
It's just that I wanted more for my children. I want to be the mother who was home and greeting them when they came through the door at the end of the day. I want to be the mother who can volunteer for a field trip. I want to be the mother who can make a special snack for them or sit and chat with my kids about their day.
And there is no shame in that. I'm not sitting around and watching soap operas and eating bon-bons all day. I'm not less intelligent than my working friends. I'm not throwing my life away. I'm not lazy. I'm not unambitious.
I am nurturing. I am productive. I am making a difference.
In the past 5 days, I've done the following...
* Made and sold craft items
* Done 10 loads of laundry
* Made 8 bag lunches
* Cooked 5 dinners, including a special Valentine's dinner
* Wrote 5 online devotionals for countless women to read on a website I'm a member of
* Wrote 5 blog posts that also encourage and reach countless women
* Offered counsel to a couple of teens in our church
* Written an email devotional for the ladies in our church
* Cleaned my house
* Driven Nathan back and forth to school 4 times
* Put together a devotional for a ladies craft night at our church
* Gone to worship practice
* Put together figures for my husband so we can get our taxes done
* Worked on church powerpoint for the next two weeks
* Put together the church bulletin
* Grocery shopped
* Organized and sorted through bags of clothing
* Updated the church website and facebook page
* Cleaned a rabbit cage 5 times - blech!
* Made 2 pies for the ladies dessert & craft night
* Baked bread
* Went to a meeting at the town hall for our town's community days in June (I'm on the committee)
* Fielded about 10 phone calls from church people
* Offered counsel on the phone
* Fielded a few phone calls regarding Nathan's needs
* Went to the chiropractor
* Got my haircut
* Worked on a craft & lesson for 3D Girls
* Led 3D Girls
* Went out for coffee with my husband
* Made a couple of business calls for our church
* I helped my son fill out a few job applications
* Counseled all three of my children about various issues
And this was a slow and quiet week!!
So, I'm going to work on not feeling less when someone asks me what I do for a living. I'm not going to feel embarrassed or guilty when I tell people I'm a homemaker. I'm not going to put a qualifier on my response such as, "I don't work, but my husband is a pastor so I do a lot of work for the church." or "I don't work, but I have a child with special needs who needs a lot of my attention."
They are both true statements but I know that I'm putting that "but" there because I worry what people think. Who cares what they think!
I am a homemaker. I'm content and happy. My husband and children are happy. That is all that matters!
I may keep that list in my purse though so next time I'm prepared!! LOL!!!!
Terri - you said it yourself - there is always the temptation to qualify things with 'but'.which can sound negative.
ReplyDeleteLike you I am the wife of a busy pastor, which makes me a busy pastor's wife! Like you, I revel in the role God has given me - and I have spent over 30 years finding ways to explain to people why I do not do fulltime paid work outside the home. Things are a bit different here in the UK, but I find myself answering the "What do you do?" with "Well, I am really involved in the life of my church" and that baffles people, so they ask more questions.
I love it when I get to talk about Jesus, and how God is working in our community...and somewhere into the conversation, I may mention my beloved and my kids.
I do enjoy reading your blog - may God bless you, your family, your fellowship and your ministry xx
That is an amazing list Terri. You are a brilliant homemaker,mother, wife...and all those important things.
ReplyDeleteOh Bless you, Terri!!
ReplyDeleteThe experience you recount (with your ex - workmate ) is one that many of us will recognise.
Why is it like this?! We feel that others are thinking "...And?..." when we mention we are 'just' at home. But that is a huge list of accomplishments for one week! And involving such a wide range of skills.
We must ALL keep our lists in our purses!!! Or learn them by heart ;)
Hug 2 you,
H'nut xx
Great post Terri!! Like you, I have tried to think up an "acceptable" answer to people's questions...(at least, women's questions...I never feel bad telling a man that I'm a homemaker!) I tell people that I have an online shop! I think it's time I stood up for homemaking better too. Thanks for this. xxx
ReplyDeleteTerri, you are doing what you are called to do and what you do is wonderful!
ReplyDeleteWHEW! You go girl! And you forgot to mention that you were up mighty early posting this message. I hope you went back to bed.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you for all you do to make your home, your Church and your community a better place. I think you are awesome and so does HE.
Love, Debbi
It exhausts me just reading your list, Terri! I also grew up wanting to be a wife and mother more than anything in the world. I did graduate college and teach a few years. I love my home and family like you do. You do a great job and are so talented in so many things. Your blog is so comforting and meaningful in many people's lives. God bless you for all you do.
ReplyDeleteGod bless, Kathy in Illinois
Thank you ladies for your encouragement. I appreciate it!
ReplyDeleteDebbi, I made the mistake of having coffee last night. I fell asleep immediately but then woke up at 1:15 and could not get back to sleep. I finally got up and stayed up until about 4 a.m.
Press on Terri. It's hard to swim upstream in a culture that tells us we should bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never let our husbands forget he's a man, because I'm a woman...I'd rather expend all my energies on my family than a culture that devalues the life of a homemaker. Well said my friend.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to add something to the list of what all of these lovely ladies have already said.
ReplyDeleteIf I were to make a comment, it would probably be that you need to stop selling yourself short. You are an extremely intelligent girl with a great work ethic and an endless list of talents.
What's more is that you are using those talents to nurture your family and honor the Lord which is exactly what the Lord would want you to do.
In addition, you also nurture your church family and you are a great friend to each and every member of your church. So as you yourself said, STOP worrying about what others say or think.
Develope a response that is dignified and honors God and memorize it so that when the next person asks you what you are doing, you will have a response already prepared. And as Angela says include in it a way to witness about God and his mercy.
After a while, you will be surprised at the number of witnessing opportunities that you will have.
Love Mom
Hi Terri,
ReplyDeleteI am so with you.I am on a couple committees and since I am home all day and they work outside the home that I am not busy so they try and dump there stuff on me.I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself. You are a remarkable woman.
Have a blessed weekend.
Elizabeth
You are so far from lazy, Terri! You're one of the most productive, hard-working people I know, and I know you're an inspiration and encouragement to many women. I love reading about your love for Dan and your children, and seeing your posts about how you nurture them in daily life. Your writing is a blessing to many. I'm glad you're speaking up for homemakers; It is such an important "job," and one you are doing wonderfully.
ReplyDeleteWell, first, thanks for the nice comment on my afghan.
ReplyDeleteSecond, you sure have been busy! What makes people think sahms sit at the computer or watch Food Network all day? I think a good answer to your neighbor's question would be: "Keeping really busy taking care of my family." Good enuf!
When asked I simply say "I am a homemaker". Even if you did not do all the church work, what you do is more than enough. No need to explain to anyone. Both you and God know what you do and that is enough.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, what your mom said is just lovely. Moms are usually right, aren't they. :)
ReplyDeleteI always answer straight out im a housewife. I have got to the age where i am not worried about what people think, i am only accountable to God and my husband. My achievements are my children, my home is always a place of refuge with a listening ear. You are doing amazing work,you do not need to quantify your life to others,for all you know the people who ask could be serching for answers to there own insecurities in there lives. I have often been asked when i have replied housewife they say dont you get bored, i think your list speaks volumns!
ReplyDeleteGod bless sue