Monday, July 9, 2012

A Square Peg in a Round Hole

I often feel like a square peg in a round hole.  I don't seem to fit anywhere. 

► I'm a stay at home Mom but don't feel like being a wife and motherhood is a "high calling".  I think it's an important role and perhaps one of the most important I play, but my high calling is to serve the Lord wherever He puts me.
► I homeschool and have my reasons for homeschooling but disagree with many of the philosophies of most homeschoolers.  I don't view the public school system as the enemy and I certainly have many friends who teach there and I know how dedicated they are and how much they love their students.  I hate sitting through meetings where I have to listen to everyone talk about the evils of "government schools", the government and pretty much everything outside their family!  I think that many people are in danger of setting up "family" as an idol.

► I'm a pastor's wife and that is a very weird role.  I have wonderful friends at church but I also know that unlike all of them, I have to be ready to move on whenever the Lord calls me.  And unfortunately, people get disgruntled with churches and move on which can make it a hard position to be in.  I mean, someone is making a judgment about my husband which can hurt "me".

► I do not agree with many of my Christian friend's political views.  I think Christians can fixate on one issue and forget about many others that God considers equally important.  Issues like caring for the poor and needy.  Issues like loving our neighbors and our enemies.  Of course, that means people think I'm "liberal" which I'm not either.  So I don't fit in either camp which is a hard place to be.  

(Okay, I've already had a comment on this point so let me clarify....I'm not bashing conservatives nor am I bashing liberals...there are points on both sides that I agree with just as there are many points on both sides that I'm vehemently opposed to as well.  This is why I generally don't share what I think about anything because everyone always feels the need to start defending their views even though I'm not criticizing them!)

► I'm constantly thinking and pondering and trying to stretch myself in the way I view my walk with the Lord.  At times, it feels like I'm the only one! 

► I love my husband and I don't feel comfortable cutting him down.  Yet, putting our husbands down and making snide comments seems to be the norm among women, even Christian women. So I always feel awkward when I'm in those conversations.

► I'm goofy and crack jokes and generally, laugh a lot!  At times, I wish I were more demure and quiet and meek.  It would certainly fit the pastor's wife role better!!! ;-)

Yet, I am the way God made me.  He loves me.  He is pleased with me.   My experiences have shaped the way I think.  I have to remind myself that the only one I have to answer to in the end is the Lord!

The things He may be asking me are...

  • "Did you love ME with all your heart, soul and mind?"
  • "Did you love your neighbor as yourself?"
  • "Did you care about the things I care about?"
  • "Did you show others my love and mercy?" 
I guess being a square peg isn't all bad! 

This week I'm thankful for blessings #1,076-1,085.

♥ A tutoring job twice a week which I'm loving!

♥ The smile on my daughter's face when she was invited camping this weekend.

♥ Stephen catching lyme's disease early before the symptoms started.

♥ A great time of worship.

♥ A night out with my husband and son.

♥ Listening to an amazing testimony of how God restored a marriage!

♥ A relaxing 4th of July.

♥ Surviving a heat wave!

♥ The taste of the first cucumber and the first peas from the garden.

and finally...

♥ Square pegs