Saturday, August 18, 2012

Lazy, Hazy Days of Summer

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This is how I've kind of felt all summer!  Tired and feeling like I'm not accomplishing much of anything.  I've had a garden that was a flop.

I made 30 jars of jam - most of that was with fruit I picked last year
16 jars of pickles - cucumbers did pretty good
3 1/2 quarts of tomato sauce - pitiful

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I haven't touched any sewing in about 2 weeks because I just haven't been inspired to sew.

After I did Emily's room, that was the end of the major projects.  Oh, I have other things that I could do but am having a hard time finding time or energy.

Over the past month, I have done the following:

► Driven Emily 2-3 times a week to work on the farm.  I drop her off and then go back for her.

► Driven Nathan to about 10 appointments & interviews - sadly, no job offers.  He's feeling depressed and I don't feel much better about it either.

► Took 1 day and went to the zoo with Dan, Emily & her friends.

► Went for a hike on the Appalachian Trail one morning with Emily.

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► Taken myself or my children to the doctor's office for various reasons (physicals & sickness) 6 times.

► Taken Stephen for his driver's test.

► Gone to the library about 3 times.

► Organized and participated in a Summerfest.

► Participated in the farmer's market twice - that took up 4 days (2 to prepare and 2 for the market).

► Watched the sunset a few times and then realized last night it's getting darker earlier. :-(

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► Tutored twice a week.

► Planned out 7 weeks of lesson plans for homeschooling

 ► Cleaned house.  You all know how I feel about that! lol

I've been busy but don't feel like I'm accomplishing much.  I think there are a number of things that are leading to my feeling of being unproductive this summer:

I do a LOT of driving.  We live in an area where everything is spread out.  Our doctor is 12 miles away, Stephen's endicrynologist is 45 miles away (one of the appointments I went to), the grocery stores where I can save the most money are 8-24 miles away, the agency that works with Nathan is 10 miles away, and so on.  You get the point.  I feel like I live in the car lately.

I'm adjusting to new things and not liking them much.  I've never liked change and boy, do I have my share of it this year!

Some of the changes -

1.  Two boys who are done with high school
2.  Two new drivers in the house and it is hard for me to let go and not to worry when they have the car.
3.  A son who is looking for a job and not having any luck.
4.  A son who is going to college in a week and a half.
5.  Homeschooling again for the first time in three years.
6.  A husband who is working full-time on top of pastoring a church,
7. The total lack of quality family time.  Dan leaves at 8:00-8:30 in the morning and gets home around 6:30-7:00.  A lot of the time there is something else happening in the evening - phone calls, meetings, etc.  There usually is always something happening on both Saturday & Sunday.  So it's been hard. 

It's been a very hot & humid summer so I'm sure some of my feeling of lethargy is because of  that but I really need to snap out of it and get productive! I realized yesterday that summer is almost over. Stephen starts college on the 27th.

Dan is taking tomorrow off and we are going to the aquarium, but I'm afraid this week won't be any better.  Emily is going to a sewing camp every day at a local church (I'm happy for her!), I tutor two times, Stephen has freshman orientation, and we have an open house for parents at the college, and the cat is getting neutered.

Well, there is always next summer! 

BIG EDIT!  A friend on facebook who knows me "in real life" (smile) commented on this post and said the following:

"You just need a new perspective. You have accomplished alot, just not those things you can hold in your hand. You have been serving your family and God by traveling all of those miles."

This made me ponder my unsettled feelings a bit and realize that I've always been very task-oriented so I measure my success by the "things" I accomplish. However, the things I've accomplished this summer aren't tangible so it "feels" like I'm unproductive. 

So Tammy is right - I need a new perspective!  I am accomplishing something, just not in the way I've always measured it.  Thank you, friend!