Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Revelation Time

It's "Loving Your Children Tuesday" at my friend Kate's blog and I did steal the title of her post because it reflects my thoughts so well today.

It's very easy in blogdom to paint such a rosy picture of perfection.  You only get little snapshots of a day or perfect moments.  So people can read a blog and start thinking that the blogger must really have it all together.  Or they want to emulate that person.  Or they use that blogger as an example of how to run their own lives.

I've done it before myself.  But over the years I've realized that my family is unique to me.  My circumstances are different than another.  My only example should be the Lord and what He wants for me and my family.

I'm hear to tell you now that I am not perfect.  In fact, I am far from it.  I lay awake many nights, regretting the fact that I yelled at one of my children.  That I wasn't patient.  That I was extremely lazy that day.  That I spent the day more focused on online activities than my "real life."  That I'm more concerned with what people outside of my family think of me, than my own husband and children.  There are days when it seems like everything is falling down around my ears and I'm ugly and mean and lashing out.

I struggle every single day of my life to break learned behaviors and attitudes.  I'm not always sweet to my husband and children.  I get very irritated with them.  I lose my temper.  I say unkind things.  I am very impatient.

However, I do repent.  I do apologize.  I do hug them and tell them I love them almost every day.  But I'm frail and human.

I say that, but do not think for one moment that I just shrug my shoulders and say, "Oh well."  "We are all make mistakes."  I know that as a follower of Jesus Christ that my goal is to be like Him.  To practice the fruits of the Spirit.  To put off my old self.

Breaking habits is a difficult task.  It requires diligence and watchfulness and practice.  It is not pleasant.  But it is necessary.

So, I hate to burst your bubble, but you are reading the words of an imperfect woman, striving to do better.  I'm not someone to set up as a role model or who has all the answers.  I'm living out my life and trying to do what God has led me to do.  Some days I do it well and others, I fail big time.  But I keep on keeping on!