Let God Take the Reins
Tears from her.
Pouting lips from both of us.
Clenched stomach and taut nerves on both sides.
I so want to reflect Christ in my dealings with my children but often I reflect nothing but anger, fear and stress. As my children become young men and women I find that I get worse. It was so easy when they were little.
I would tell them to go here and they went. I would say pick this up and they did it.
Now, they have minds and wills of their own. They have their own opinions. They have their own likes, dislikes, and aren't afraid to express them! :-)
I have to be honest and say I really do have good kids. They aren't rebellious. They generally do what they are asked to do. They make good choices.
But I get concerned. When I get concerned, my gut reaction is to control.
Trying to control someone almost always leads to the other person pulling against the reins. I know this from experience and yet, I keep falling back into that trap.
Raising teens is difficult. The more I try to control them, the relationship I have will be broken. I need to remember that it's through relationship that I can influence.What makes me think that pulling my kids where I want them to go will make their hearts follow?
Does God do that to us? Does He control and demand? If He did do that, would that make me want to follow?
I apologized.
She forgave.
We hugged. We talked. We restored our relationship.
I feel like I'm a mess most days in this minefield of parenthood. But God forgives. I move on. I learn. I keep trying.
I need to let up on those reins and guide my children without yanking them where I want them to go. In fact, I think a better bet is to let God take those reins.
I wish I could say I've never experienced the scenario you just wrote about, but I would be lying. It is an area God got a hold of a few years ago when my kids went back to public school after four years of homeschooling, the they started to drive and were making their own choices about where they went, who they went with, etc. I have found freedom and comfort in turning every situation into prayer. I would say this began when Justin was deployed to Iraq several years ago, then Kelsey went to Italy and may go to India on a missions trip this summer. For me it has been an issue of faith and trust in my Great God who knows best. I do rest better when I pray about everything and without ceasing.
ReplyDeleteThanks for those words of wisdom, Jody!
DeleteThank you SO MUCH for sharing this today, of all days, when I sooooo needed to hear it! I have been sitting here at work begging God for a word, and you provided it. Heartfelt thanks :)
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome, Nita! I wish they came with a manual sometimes! lol
DeleteExcellent post, Terri. This is an issue that all parents find themselves in as children mature and grow independent. I had to learn the hard way that when you try to control your children (with their best interest in mind), they just resent you and do just the opposite of what you desire for them. Jody has the right answer as I know you know it as well, turn the reins over to the Lord, teach your children what they need to learn and pray for them daily to make the right choices. God can gently remind them of what you have taught them and "prayer covers a multitude of sin". Remember anger is not of the Lord and a gentle answer turns away wrath.
ReplyDeleteRaising children is not easy and we have all made our mistakes. Fortunately, we have a loving God who forgives us but I regret a lot of things I did in raising you and your siblings all in trying to save you from mistakes that I made growing up. That was a mistake. I can't change it but I can learn from it. So put your children in the Lord's Hands, teach them all that you know is to be right and teach them to love God and honor Him, and pray as if their life depends on it for in some cases it does.
Love,
Mom
I'm surprised your hair isn't grayer! lol (((HUGS))) and love you, Mom!
DeleteLove you too, sweetheart!
DeleteTerri, you are a great communicator, and my Mum always taught me that that was the most important thing, to keep the lines of communication open. You are so honest with yourself too, and willing to admit when you don't get things 100% perfect. What a great recipe for fantastic relationships with your children when they are adults. You'll all come through the teen years, and out the other side as best friends.
ReplyDeleteYou always keep it real. Love to ya! xxx
Tina, thank you so much. That is encouraging to me!
DeleteI am finding more and more that how we both respond AFTERWARDS is vital to the fellowship we share. Praise the Lord for forgiveness - on both sides! Thanks for sharing this, sweetie!
ReplyDelete