As I lay awake in the middle of the night, I mulled things over in my mind. I've been feeling so unsettled lately and it's hard to pinpoint exactly why that is. As I thought about it, I realized that is probably because of all the changes in family dynamics this past year.
We are leaving this morning for a family vacation to visit Dan's parents. However, this is the first family vacation where we are leaving without all our family. The boys will be staying behind. This is the first year they will not see their grandparents on a visit. Nathan has work and Stephen starts college on Monday. I have to be honest and say, I'm leaving them with trepidation. They have never been by themselves like this before. It's a big step for ME!
Family dinners which used to happen every night are now different. Some nights Nathan is working. Dan is home later than normal and often I'll have to feed one person or the other earlier because of a meeting or work or something like that.
The past two summers have been different because Dan's secular job changes and he leaves first thing in the morning and doesn't get home until 6-6:30. I know that's the norm for most people, but again, we don't have our weekends to enjoy each other since he's also a pastor.
So unlike summers past, there isn't really much of a vacation. He gets this coming week and then on the third, he's right back to work. Because most days I don't have a car, I don't get to do too much and then again, I don't want to do it by myself. There have been a couple of days when I was able to go off with Emily, but it's just really different.
I know this is an adjustment period. My chicks are leaving the nest. I have to readjust my thinking and my life. I'm so thrilled that they are growing up, testing their wings and moving on, and I'm not wanting to hold them back lest I get any comments like that! It's just different for me. And a little sad.
I'm learning to live with my new normal.