Monday, March 31, 2014
I felt like a cracked egg with all my insides pouring out.
I had shared a weakness I was having and a concern for prayer and immediately after the words were out of my mouth I had second thoughts. I had that nagging feeling that I maybe I shouldn't have admitted I struggle with that. After all, I'm a pastor's wife. I'm supposed to be one of those piano playing, well-dressed, smile plastered on my face, only sweetness and light pouring out of my mouth women, right?
At least I shouldn't ever admit that I struggle with insecurities or sin. My life is perfect and I am that woman with the sweet and gentle spirit. At least, I should fake it until I make it. Be quiet, meek and never show a crack in my shell.
But that's not who I am or how I was created. I'm fairly transparent. I don't go around sharing every little thing and I certainly know when to have discretion. But overall, the cracks show. You don't have to search hard to figure out who I am. There are no hidden depths. I wear my heart on my sleeve.
But wearing your heart out there means it can be banged up and hurt at times. People can stomp on that heart from time to time. Yet, I think trying to act like you have it all together does no good either. I mean everyone struggles and I've been helped the most in my life by people willing to admit that their armor was a bit rusty.
This morning I read from 2 Corinthians and came to the realization that in my desire to reach my surrounding community for Christ, I don't have to be perfect.
2 Corinthians 2:14-16 ~
But thank God! He has made us his captives and continues to lead us along in Christ’s triumphal procession. Now he uses us to spread the knowledge of Christ everywhere, like a sweet perfume. Our lives are a Christ-like fragrance rising up to God. But this fragrance is perceived differently by those who are being saved and by those who are perishing. To those who are perishing, we are a dreadful smell of death and doom. But to those who are being saved, we are a life-giving perfume. And who is adequate for such a task as this?
Look at that last sentence. Who is adequate for this? Without the Lord's help, no one! It doesn't say that I have to be a perfect woman. I don't have to make sure all my ducks are in a row or I need to have no struggles. I just have to be the woman God created me to be. As I stay on my knees, asking Him to work through me, His fragrance will pour out of me. To some who are ready to hear about the Good News, it will be a sweet smell. To those who are resistant, it will be a stench.
But all I need to do is be God's daughter. To stay close to Him so that His fragrance rubs off on me.
That is a sweet smell indeed!
This week I'm thankful for blessings #1991-2000.
1991. A productive week and a well-stocked Etsy shop.
1992. Being able to meet and pray with a friend.
1993. Emily developing a good friendship in her new school.
1994. A "date" with my husband - coffee at the mall while two teens shop.
1995. Beginning to truly feel "at home" in our new home, church and community.
1996. Getting my calendar through the summer set and organized.
1997. Hitting 2,000 blessings this week.
1998. A husband who prays.
2000. A sweet fragrance that exudes from me even with my inadequacies.