Saturday, October 4, 2014
I had a revelation the other day and this is also a confession of sorts.
I'm a hypocrite!
For years, I've told people that we must live out our Christian walk no matter where we are. That everything we do is for the glory of God. That it doesn't matter what job you have, it is still a ministry.
And yet, for the past 2 months I've struggled with the whole idea of no longer being in full-time "ministry." I've wrestled with the thought, "How can I be an effective pastor's wife if I'm not available 24/7 to the people in our congregation?" (Of course, it's not like people were banging down my door). I've felt that somehow I'm doing something "wrong" by having my own business. I know, it even sounds stupid to me after writing that out.
Maybe I'm just a very slow learner, but a light-bulb went off in my head the other day. I thought, "How is my opening a shop any different than what I've been preaching for years?" "Why does it matter if I have moved my physical location from the house to another building?" If my goal in life is to serve God no matter where I am or what I'm doing, then why in the world am I having this constant internal battle?
Of course, Dan would say it's because I generally struggle with any decision I make. :-) But the crux of the matter is that I have this mental idea of what a pastor's wife should be and that is where my struggle has been. I need to remember that pastor's wives come in many shapes and sizes. Some are gifted speakers. Some are behind the scenes women. Some pastor's wives view their main role as just being a support to their husband and do nothing in the church. Some work full-time, secular jobs because the money is needed or they just like working. And IT'S OK!
I have this mindset that unless I'm doing 1,000 things within the walls of the church that somehow I'm failing. And that has been my biggest struggle for years. I get very insecure when I think that I'm being judged for what I do or don't do. I truly long to be rid of this burden and I'm praying and working on it, but it's not always easy to stop those feelings. And yet, it is a burden that Christ never meant for me to carry. My only plumb line in life should be what He wants me to do. The reality is people will judge. They will make comments. They will have ideas about what I should be doing. But I need to come to the point where those things do not bother me.
Some of you are probably thinking, "DUH!" Of course, I knew that but it's finally sunk in that the JOB does not matter. The location does not make a difference. Only what I do for Christ will count! If my desire is to follow where He leads, and I'm doing that then that is the only thing that should matter to me.
However, I may need a reminder from time to time! :-)