An Honest Look at Depression and Anxiety
Honesty is not easy at times when dealing with a problem that has a stigma attached to it. Yet, I feel the need to be honest even though honesty opens myself up to be hurt or judged. I know many struggle with these things, and I'm a writer and want to use this blog to encourage so I'm going to write about it today. I'm not sharing everything because the personal details are not mine to share, but I will share from the perspective of a family member who walks alongside my loved one every day. And I don't share it just for the sake of sharing, but to show that even in the middle of very difficult times, God still wants us to trust and hope in Him. I'm not in despair, but reality is, there are hard days and I want to help others going through similar circumstances.
There is a weight on my shoulders and sadness and tension have pervaded our home many days over the past couple of years. It's the weight of dealing with an adult child who struggles with depression and anxiety and all that comes with that.
It is lonely at times because it seems as if friends really don't understand, nor want to understand. They have their own sorrows and stresses, and I get that. Sometimes when I do try and share, I get blank looks or silence. I hesitate sharing because extended family start to worry or overreact.
Other times, I get very unhelpful things thrown at me such as platitudes, quoted Bible verses, empty promises of prayer that will never pass lips, and very unhelpful advice. Or I'll get texts or messages telling me what we should do. It makes me feel as if people think we are just passively sitting on our hands, doing nothing. And yet, that is not the case at all.
When I share these things, I'm not looking for advice or theology. I know all of these things. I cling to these things regularly. What I would love is a hug or someone to pray with me. I would love someone to love on my loved one.
And the reality is that things are not bad all of the time. There are many days when things are normal and the atmosphere is wonderful. But depression and anxiety are ongoing issues that pop up regularly. I know that this loved one needs to seek some professional help, and to be honest, medication may possibly be a good answer to these issues. However, when you are dealing with adults, you can't make them do anything they don't want to do.
Mental illness problems are issues that most Christians are uncomfortable with. They don't know what to do with them because the normal "lingo" doesn't work, and there are no easy answers or quick fixes. There are some that don't even like to use the words, mental illness.
However, there is hope. Hope that as we talk to our loved one, they will seek some professional help. Hope that God can heal them from the inside out. Hope that we will see victory over this issue in their life. I am so thankful that they feel comfortable talking to us about it, and even in my bumbling and stumbling to help, they still keep coming back to communicate about what they are dealing with.
I want them to know they are not alone. That even when it feels like they are, they have a family that loves them and is walking with them through it. And I have hope that there will be a day when my loved one is set free from this curse and burden. Prayer and hope are the two things I can do and I'm doing them both with all my heart.
My purpose in sharing this here is that I know many face similar situations and it's easy to feel like you are all alone in it. As Christians, and especially if you are in ministry, it's easy to think that everyone else's family is perfect. We have placed a heavy burden on those families or people dealing with mental health issues that somehow they aren't really following Christ if they have these problems.
So many suffer in silence, afraid to share their story. So be assured, you are not alone. If sharing my story in dealing with this will help you in some way, then I'm thankful I can share it. Maybe the only purpose in Dan and I dealing with this is so that we can, in turn, help others who face similar situations. You are not alone!
Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. Mental health struggles are nothing to be ashamed of, and shining a light at that darkness would be so helpful to the people affected. Unfortunately, religion can often make the problem worse(religion, not God) by forwarding the dangerous idea that sinners are punished and that if you're pious enough nothing bad will happen to you. I know first hand how harrowing and difficult dealing with it can be. And through many years of my own therapy (no such stigma against it here in NYC) I have learned that the best thing you can say to someone struggling is simply "How can I help?" Sending you prayers and strength.
ReplyDeleteMental illness and the problems that go with it, are so hard to share. My family is riddled with these problems and the abuse of alcohol to self medicate is predominate and only makes matters worse. Of course I don't blog about the details of my life with my family as they read the blog, the pain and pressure are very, very real. All I can say is that I feel for you, I wish there was something I could do to ease your burden. God can seem very far away at times when you have trials like this. You ask why? Why my child, why does he suffer? There are no answers and walking by faith can be so lonely. Know that you are not alone, your pain is real and your suffering is but a moment in the eyes of the Lord. All things will be restored, I promise you this, in the name of our Savior.,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the encouragement!
DeleteThat was a very poignant and brave post Terri.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteTerri, I am so thankful that you shared this. It was brave and honest. My only child also suffers from anxiety and depression. She struggles on a daily basis to get through the day. A few years ago, she dropped out of college and started working. She is fortunate to have a job that allows her to work from home as often as she needs to, so if it's one of "those" days, she can stay home and work in her jammies. She has chosen to medicate and has an emotional support animal that is imperfect like her. They get along famously. My wish for you is that your baby chooses the path that leads to the greatest healing, whether it is spiritual or pharmaceutical or both. I am sending you much love. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help. All my love - Coleen
ReplyDeleteThank you, Coleen! That means so much. Love you!
DeleteThank you for sharing so honestly, Terri. You and your family are not alone, and I doubt there are many families that really have it all together, even when they appear to. As a mother, I am daily in fervent prayer for a grown child who struggles with depression and tremendous anxiety, so I understand how painful, frightening, and stressful it can be. The timing of your post is interesting, as I spent much of today reading "Darkness is My Only Companion," written by an Episcopal priest about her own struggle with depression-- a very honest, helpful, and theologically sound book that doesn't gloss over the pain or offer simple answers. For some reason I don't understand, God has brought more than a few people who struggle with severe mental illness into my life, and I have felt him calling me to pray seriously and regularly for them. You and your child (and all of you) will be in my prayers for strength, peace, wisdom, and perseverance.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your prayers! I haven't heard of that book but it sounds interesting. I'll have to check it out. Thanks!
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