Forget the Ugly and Remember the Beautiful

On May 27, 2020 at 4:33 p.m. this beautiful lady passed away. My grandmother lived a long full life and was 96 years old. She was a gifted carpenter, artist, seamstress and could do almost anything she set her mind to do. She died peacefully in the nursing home where she had resided for the past couple of years with my mother by her side. 

I was never close to my grandmother and only saw her once or twice a year. For most of her life, she did not have a relationship with God. We often walked on eggshells around her because we never knew what would upset her. She was always happy to see us when we visited, but children were not her thing. So as I grew and went off to college, the relationship which was distant grew farther apart.

However, in her later years, there was a definite change in her. She became kinder and was sweet to everyone she met. She would compliment everyone. When she saw me she would tell me how proud she was of me, how much she loved me and how beautiful I was. It made a difference. 

The hurtful memories don't matter so much now. What I do remember are the once a year visits to her home on the Jersey shore where we would go on boat rides, crabbing, and swimming in the ocean. I remember sleeping on the sun porch at her summer cottage. I remember recently caring for her for a couple of weeks during the past few years when my mother and stepdad needed to go out of town. I would say that those weeks were actually the sweetest of our relationship.

I feel sad at her passing. I loved my grandmother and I wish our relationship could have been closer. I'm so thankful that in later years she had accepted Christ. A woman who would never set foot inside a church actually began to look forward to going. Her personality changed a lot. 

I'm not able to go to the funeral which is this Monday. The plans were put in place so quickly, and with the coronavirus and travel restrictions, I'm not going to be able to get down to North Carolina. But my heart is with my mother. She was a good daughter and took great care of my grandmother.  She made the end of my grandmother's life much better than it would have ever been if she was on her own.

It seems to me that when someone passes away that many times the hurtful things about that person are forgotten. What remains are the good memories, the good times, and the good parts of the relationship. And perhaps that is a blessing that the Lord gives to us. It is also the way we should approach our relationships in our daily life.

Forgive, forget the ugly, remember the beautiful, and look for the good. Life is fleeting and when the person is gone you are left with memories. If possible, make them good ones. Let the bad ones fade away.

I have this video of my grandmother reciting a poem the last time I cared for her. It was a poem she had to learn in school and it stuck with her because she was often late to class and the professor would call her a ten-o'clock scholar. I'm thankful I have this memory.