On the Days When all you can do is Shuffle Forward a Few Inches

  

  

It's been one of those weeks that could be described as a trying or worrying kind of week. It's been a week that's been productive and I've gotten much accomplished even with a day off, hiking with Dan.

I put together and put out a large mailing for a district retreat that will be virtual this year. I did much work for the church. I went to a board meeting last night. I started baking for the market tomorrow, I finished 2 orders and sewed some things for my Etsy shop. I made dinner each night and even managed to do some cleaning.

 These are all good things, but buzzing around my thoughts all day long are concerns. Worries that made me snap at my family a couple of times, and for which I apologized. Concerns that kept knots in my stomach. And a feeling of being torn.

My mom's cancer is back but this time it's worse. It's in her lymph nodes. One of the tumors is in her chest and putting pressure on the main artery that goes down into her lower extremities which is causing major swelling and pain in her legs. Another is in a lymph node in her neck and pressing on her jugular vein. 

My emotions and my stomach are in turmoil. I'm angry. Angry at cancer. Frustrated at covid-19 which is making travel difficult for me. I would have to quarantine for 2 weeks when I come back because my mom's state is on the list of "hot spots". With chemotherapy happening, my mom's immune system is low and I don't want to inadvertently make her ill but if I go, I also put my family at risk. 

I'm concerned for a friend that has been diagnosed with covid-19. I'm concerned for different ones in our church who are going through similar struggles.

It's enough to make me want to lay down, pull the covers over my head and cry. So many emotions and no control over any of it.

But I'm choosing to not give way to fear or depression.

Instead I've been taking time out each day to pray and read what God has to say about these things. This didn't take Him by surprise. We are never promised that these things won't happen and part of being human is experiencing pain and loss and suffering. But we are promised that God will walk with us through it.

So I'm taking it one day at a time, trusting Him. I get up each day, spend time in prayer and then take the next step. And that's all I really can do. Take the next step. Some days it's leaping and skipping. Other days it's shuffling forward a few inches at a time. 

But no matter how fast or how far or how little I move forward, it's still forward movement and that's all God expects me to do. 

You may be shuffling, but even if you can only go a few inches, keep that movement going. There will come a day when you may want to skip and run again. But in the meantime, just put one step in front of the other.