2020 Sorrows and Joys

2020 has been a year full of sorrow, disappointment, new adventures and yes, even some joys. It's not a year that I would like to repeat but it's also one in which I experienced strength of character and growth. I thought I'd share the downside of 2020 but a positive that came out of each thing.

💕 It started with a move to a new city, new house, new church, and new jobs. It was difficult to leave people we loved and yet, we knew the time had come to move on. It's been challenging to get to know everyone on a deeper level given the fact we have to maintain social distancing and wear masks. And yet, we are getting more comfortable here. There are many times when I still feel like an outsider, but those times are getting less.

💕In March the pandemic started which created a situation we were thrown into that we've never experienced. How do you lead a church through something like this when you've never been in this predicament before? One day at a time. Fortunately, we have a good church board and were able to do church in a different way. As a result of having to shut down for a time, livestreaming of our services was able to happen and provided a way for our shut-ins to see the service.

💕 My grandmother passed away. Because of travel restrictions I was unable to attend her funeral. However, I am so thankful that she was with my mother at the end, that she had people who loved her and that her life was better because of my mother's care. I am blessed to have a memory book that I gave her a few years ago that she wrote in and I have a mini-history of her life.

💕 The pandemic brought the closure of almost everything for a time. I'm thankful that we live close to the Allegheny National Forest and that my knees are completely healed. Dan and I hiked over 300 miles between June and September this year. Those were fun times and I'm so thankful that I was able to do that after 5 years of injuries.

💕 My mother's cancer came back with a vengeance. It's still hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that she even had it, and a form of cancer that has a high rate of curability. So why in the world did it take off the way it did? I'm thankful that my sister and brother-in-law were able to be down there for three weeks in August to help clean up some of my grandmother's things and help mom for that time. I know it was such a help to her.

💕 My daughter began her senior year of college and moved into her own apartment. It struck me one day that I could actually use her bedroom for other things but it made me break down and cry. But I'm so thankful that my strong, independent and smart baby girl is doing what she wants and is a lot more driven than I ever was.

💕 As I saw my mother begin to have more and more health issues I'm so thankful that I listened to that still small voice that began to nudge me to go down and be with her. I made plans to take her to what would be her last chemo appointment. I had no idea what I was headed into but I am extremely thankful for those 6 weeks my sister and I were there. I'm thankful we were with her to the end and that we were able to support each other as we walked through the end of my mom's life.

💕 This month has been a strange sort of mixture of joy, grief, and depression. Most nights I have pretty bad dreams that cause me to wake up with knots in my stomach. My reactions to things are not to be trusted at times. A song in church on Sunday made me start weeping and I couldn't stop for a few minutes. Not a good reaction right before I had to go up front to say something! But I'm thankful that even with all that, it was a wonderful Christmas holiday. I could sincerely sing, "Joy to the world, the Savior reigns!"

💕 My father-in-law was sick over Christmas with a head cold and he and my mother-in-law spent the day by themselves. Now my sister-in-law has Covid, and it looks like my brother-in-law is developing symptoms. I'm concerned about all of them but there is nothing I can do for them at the moment. However, I am thankful that there is One who can and I can pray for them. 

I'm headed down south on Sunday to spend a week and I have a mixture of happiness over seeing my sister again, dread at the task ahead of us and sadness that my mother won't be there. 

But as I walk into 2021, I am thankful that know that God is walking beside me through the terrible times. That does bring me reassurance and a hope for things to come.