Multitude Monday

Winter has officially come to Western, New York in the form of snow. It was a white and chilly weekend and I believe we are supposed to get a bit more today. It's not enough to cause any problems, but just enough to set a festive mood.

The blanket of white brightens up the November gloom and makes me want to light a fire and curl up with a good book. But since we can no longer use our fireplace (structural safety issues), I'm resigning myself to lighting candles. 

Mondays can be such difficult days to get through and yet, I don't mind them. Some of that is that I'm in charge of my own schedule and some of it is because this is the day I look back and give thanks.

Today I'm thankful for so many things.

💖 A daughter who calls almost every day just to chat. Stephen calls us a few times a week as well.

💖 I've been helping at a friend's shop once a week and one Saturday a month. I was trying to figure out what it was that I love about being there. I finally realized that it's because I'm around people! Since moving here I've felt very alone. It's nice to be in a place where I get the opportunity to interact with a lot of different people.

💖 Each week at church we've been writing down things we are thankful for, and it's been a blessing to read them. I'm thankful for tangible ways to list our blessings.

💖 Thankful for homemade deliciousness!

💖 I'm thankful for our Life Group on Sunday mornings. We are working our way through the epistle of James and it's been challenging, but good. 

💖 I'm thankful for babies and young adults in church. While I'm thankful for everyone who comes, young people are the future of the church.

💖 God is teaching me some tough lessons here and while they are painful, I'm thankful for them.

Some of those lessons have to do with making sure that my worth is found in Him, not in what I do or how others view me. 

One of my earliest memories was lying in bed as a 4- or 5-year-old and my bedroom door was ajar. I had a clear view of our living room and watched as my mother arrived home from work. She had been working late and because I was in bed, it must have been about 8 or 9 at night. My father, who was an alcoholic, had been drinking, and he flew into a jealous rage. As my parents shouted at each other, I watched my father shove my mother to the floor. I clearly remember the terror I felt as I covered my head with the blankets and cried myself to sleep.

Fear and anxiety developed in me at a young age. I learned that peace was dependent on no one being angry or upset. Because those emotions always led to shouting, fighting, rage, and ultimately one parent or the other leaving the house.

That fear and anxiety has carried over into my life as an adult. The unspoken law I live by is that no one must ever be upset or disappointed and it is my job to make sure that I do all I can to make life perfect for those around me. The pattern I learned is that I must be available to everyone at all times. And that is an exhausting space to live in.

God is working on healing those spaces in my life and I'm learning it's okay to say no to people even if they get upset with me. It's not easy for me, but I also know that I need to stay focused on what the Lord has called me to do. The only way that will happen is if I stop getting pulled away from that mission I've been given.

So on this Multitude Monday, I am especially thankful for God's pruning away at those broken places in my life.