Belong

I returned last night from a very full and busy travel week. It started with speaking at a banquet on one end of the state Saturday evening and then having another speaking engagement on the opposite side of the state on Sunday. After that I headed north for three days of our District Prayer Conference.

The theme of the conference was Unblocked and was based on Hebrews 10. Jesus' once and for all sacrificed opened the way for us to approach God. However, there are things that can block us or hinder us from fulfilling the task that He has given us to do.

For me some of that sense of being blocked is the ever-present feeling like I'm not good enough, not wanted or that I don't belong. It's not always there and much of the time I am fairly self-confident, but every now and then it is triggered by something. Outwardly, it seems as if all is okay, but deep inside where no one can see there are those broken parts.

Usually when I go to one of these events those trigger points are constantly firing off. It's an opportunity for the enemy to sweep in and start a barrage of "I told you so's." "See, you are not included." "You are not wanted." "You are not enough!" 

I had a strange experience yesterday morning during the devotions and prayer times. The speaker had shared about being chosen by God. As I was praying quietly during the prayer time an image popped into my head. It was so vivid as if I were there. 

It was the image of myself as a child, sitting by the window, waiting for my dad to show up to pick me up for his visitation day. When it was my father's day to get us, there were many times he wouldn't show up. When he did come there was no warm greeting or hug. He opened the car door, we got in and he drove us to our grandmother's house where he would sit and drink with his brothers while we played with the cousins. 

However, the image shifted and it became one of a father getting out of the car, running to me and throwing his arms around me. He kissed me and said, "I love you!" "I am so glad I get to spend time with you." "I choose you!" It was such a beautiful picture of our heavenly Father's love for me. I felt such a strong sense of love washing over me. And it was not based on anything I do for Him, but simply because He loves me. I truly felt a release in my spirit from that rejection.

Does that mean I'll never struggle with it again? Probably not. But I am so thankful that I am learning to recognize the voice of the Father and to rebuke the lies from the enemy.

I am wanted. I am enough. I am chosen. I belong.