Sheepish

Ever since I was in college I've felt the call into full-time ministry. I went to a Christian liberal arts college and majored in psychology. Then I went on to seminary where I met my husband, Dan. We have ministered together in a variety of setting and circumstances for the past 34 years of our marriage.

A few years ago I went through the rigorous task of  consecration in our denomination. It required reading, writing position papers on different doctrines, an 8-hour written test as well as going before a licensing committee of about 8 pastors in our district to answer doctrinal questions. I passed with flying colors.

However, there has been a period of feeling deflated from all that work. And that is mostly because nothing has changed in my professional life. I am still the same woman, married to the same man, in the same type of ministry. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for that process I went through and I used what I learned all of the time. It has helped me in my writing, teaching and speaking.

But no one is offering me a paid position and to be honest, in our denomination, there is not a lot I can do with it. I'm married to a pastor of a small church and while there is a lot of ministry I can do, it's all on a volunteer basis. Because I'm married to a man who is a pastor it's not like I can go to a church that can pay me. We are a package deal. 😉

I am 60 years old and trying to figure out how I can continue in ministry which I love, and yet, help pay the bills. I love to write but to be honest, no one is beating down the doors to buy my books. That is disappointing, but it is what it is. I get a couple of speaking engagements a year, but it's not something that amounts to anything significant. 

It's humbling to realize that what I thought would happen isn't happening. 

Back in April I decided to close down my sewing business because I thought perhaps I needed to focus more on my ministry. But after talking to Dan about it, and then having large chunks of time on my hands, I've come to the conclusion that I do need to do something to help financially. God has also created me in such a way that I am able of doing multiple things. I have a few people in my life who say that I should just focus on one thing, but unless they are going to offer me a job, I have to do what helps pay the bills. I have a God-given responsibility to my family so if something needs to be cut back it will have to be  some of the volunteer  hours.   

It's a bit embarrassing to restart the sewing back up, especially after I made a public announcement about it, but I do need to look to our future. Unless someone is going to drop a paid ministry position in my lap, I have to take what does pay. I get irritated with myself that I feel guilty doing this. There are days when I think I should focus more on the ministry I have, but then I have to remind myself that I'm just a volunteer and there is no "required" time to put into anything. 

So I'm reopening the sewing door. Sewing allows me some extra money, but also allows me opportunities to get out in the community. It also gives me the flexibility to continue in the ministry I do have. 

I'm sheepishly tiptoeing back into the sewing waters and doing so as I have time. My sweet friend asked if I would like to put my things back into her shop which I am doing. I also did reopen my Etsy shop back up. Again, neither of these things makes enough to support me full-time, but they do help pay for extra little expenses we have.

Thank you for putting up with my flip-flopping. I'm embarrassed, but welcome to the world inside my head! My husband did lovingly remind me that I would save face if I wouldn't make public announcements! 😁