When Expectation Doesn't Meet Reality

Ever since I was a child I had high expectations of myself and often, other people as well. I wanted to do well in school, relationships and life in general. But I often fell far short of the imaginary mark in my head and that left me full of disappointment.

That high bar has only been raised to an impossible level as an adult and quite often I'm left feeling discouraged and defeated. 

Here are some examples.

Expectation: On a daily basis I expect that I will be able to tackle a huge to-do list and get it completely finished.

Reality: I get about 1/4 of it done.

Expectation: My family will have the perfect close-knit Hallmark-ish relationships.

Reality: Let's just say, this is not even close to reality. ;-)

Expectation: I will have a group of people around me who are passionate about growing in the Lord and desiring to interact with His word.

Reality: I feel very alone in this.

Expectation: I would have a vibrant and growing ministry.

Reality: Most days are a struggle to get people to budge one inch closer to God or to even open up and share anything deeper than surface-level.

Expectation: I will have my act together 100% of the time.

Reality: The days are far and few when I don't mess up more than once a day in my attitudes, words and actions.

My husband often reminds me that it's good to have goals and expectations, but not to the point where I'm constantly dissatisfied.

When we are placing our own expectations on relationships and situations and then those expectations are not met it can leave us feeling lacking or leave us with the attitude that others are lacking.

So I think we would have a healthier attitude if we could learn to adjust our expectations to match up with reality, Some ways I've done that recently is to realize....

✔ It's a good day if I can get 2-3 items checked off my to-do list.

✔ My emotional needs are not going to be met by people. God is the only one who can fill those empty spots in my heart and I need to stop looking to family and other people to fill them.

✔ My ministry will never be huge or vibrant. I'm learning to recognize that the majority of ministry is small and hard and a struggle. If I help only one person that is a success in the Lord's eyes. 

✔ I can't project my own walk with the Lord onto others. I'm learning to take my eyes off everyone else and just focus on whether I am growing, leaning in closer to the Lord and going deeper with Him. What others do is between them and the Lord. 

✔ I will not be perfect all of the time and when I mess up, I need to ask forgiveness and then get up and keep moving forward.

When we can learn to let our reality determine what we expect I do believe it's a healthier approach than the other way around. So today my desire is to serve God well, keep my eyes on Him and bless whoever comes across my path even if it's one person. If I blow it, then I will ask for forgiveness and keep moving forward.

Won't you do the same?