When Your Hopes and Dreams Come Crashing Down

Yesterday, my husband and I sat through a two hour meeting with our son and a case manager to assess his needs so a life-plan could be put in place for him. In February we went through extensive testing and Nathan was diagnosed as having autism spectrum disorder and significant issues with adaptive functioning. As a result of that official diagnosis he was approved for services through the Office for People with Developmental Disabilities.

Once we got the approval letter at the end of March, signed it and sent it back things have sped up exponentially. I have another meeting later this week to talk to a different case manager. 

All of this is good and necessary to ensure my son will receive the help he needs when we are no longer in the picture. But it's brought a sadness to my heart when I reflect on his life as well as our own life-situation. 

As parents, our goal has always been to see our children thriving and independent. We've taught them to work hard, be productive and be able to manage on their own. And yet, here is our first-born, though high-functioning, who will always need some level of assistance. I guess I always thought if we just pushed him enough he’d figure it all out.  

There is so much happening and it's overwhelming to all three of us. Dan and I are still processing so much of this. The weight of dealing with disability is crushing at times and we've pushed so hard for years to keep him moving forward. And now, knowing that this is his reality, I'm left with an empty feeling. To me it feels as if we've just given up and admitted defeat. Those hopes and dreams we've had for our oldest have to re-adjust.

We will move forward like we always do, but it's been an adjustment and a strange few months. But we will keep taking one step at a time on this new journey, support our son and trust the Lord for the rest.