Pushing Back Against Self-Pity

I'm currently sitting on my back patio and attempting to write this outside even though it's only 46 degrees. I was out and doing yard work this morning and because I was moving around it seemed like a good idea. However, the sun has been swallowed by clouds and soon my cup of hot tea will be gone so I may need to move back inside. I've been doing a lot of reflection lately on the sin of self-pity. I know for some the word, sin, may seem harsh, but I'm going to call it what it is because it truly is rooted in self and I recognize it as a generational pattern in my own family history. 

One of my earliest memories is my father driving us back home after a visitation with him. He had been drinking all day long and was a weepy drunk. He was crying and saying that no one loved him, not even us children. That is a heavy burden to lay on ten, eight and six-year old children. His choices were his own, but he would always play the blame game. 

My mom, as well, would dwell on the negativity of her past and talk about it all of the time. She had horrific things happen to her as a child and teenager and unfortunately, even as a believer, she had a hard time letting go of the past. 

While God has done an amazing work in my life and I've risen above much of that history and upbringing, I do catch myself falling into the self-pity mode from time to time and have to work really hard not to slide down that slippery slope into a pit. Because that is what self-pity does; it creates a pit that is difficult to climb out of and creates a feeling of discontent. 

Some of the thoughts that come to mind as I write about this are questions people can dwell on such as....

Why does no one ever ask how I am doing?

Why is my family overlooked?

Why does no one seem to care?

Why, why, why!

That can be a terrible word when we turn it inwards because there is no way to know what is going on in the minds of other people. I really don't know what may cause indifference from someone else. It may just be they have their own stuff going on and asking why keeps me focused on me. When I'm focused on me it is impossible to see how I can help someone else. 

I've learned to not go down that rabbit hole and instead make sure that I'm seeing how I can be an encouragement to those around me. Instead of asking why me, I ask, what can I do to reach out to them? And nine times out of ten they are going through a terrible time of their own that I knew nothing about.  

I see it at times in people's facebook posts when they share things that basically state "no one loves me" and scream, "pay attention to me." Those kind of posts make me sad because I can see that they are stuck in a self-pity mode and it is a reminder to me to not get there myself. I'm not minimizing their feelings because I do understand, but also know that our feelings can be quite inaccurate. 

If you are reading this I'm not sure if you will find it helpful or not. I often process as I write so this morning I decided to share this here in the hopes that it will encourage someone. 

Look around you and see who you can focus on. See who needs some love and attention. And I can guarantee you that when you take your eyes off yourself, your life will be so much sweeter!