Hearts in Service

I know they are around because I see evidence of them but this was the first time I've seen a coyote on our property. These may be what he was looking for! I love making homemade pizza. It's like a blank canvas to create! These are blooming late this year.   Made another batch of dandelion jelly This past week has been a mix of ministry, home life, study, baking and doctor's appointment. I've  been busy getting ready to leave for a seven-day long conference on Sunday and then leading a retreat the following weekend.  On top of that, I had a colonoscopy yesterday morning so spent part of Tuesday and Wednesday prepping for that. The anesthesia they used yesterday morning messed with my body so I spent the entire afternoon and evening sleeping. I think it's still in my system because I'm fairly weepy this morning and I usually have that reaction to it. It's dreary and cold out today, and to be honest, kind of match...

A little girl, five-years-old, plunked herself down in a chair next to my husband and just stared at him with her big brown eyes. She started rubbing her hand back and forth over the top of his head and said, "Oh, that's soft." Then she stared at the white hair sprouting off his arms and age spots on his arm and had some questions for him about that. She asked him to take off his glasses and was absolutely fascinated by his blue eyes. She obviously had not seen a lot of blond and blue-eyed people. She finally stared right into his face and pronounced loudly to the room, "You're old!" We roared with laughter! Last night we had the fun experience of attending a graduation party of the daughter of an Ethiopian pastor. Their church recently joined our denomination and Dan has gotten to know him and we were invited. I did read up a bit on Ethiopian culture so we wouldn't blatantly do something to offend. The invitation said it started at 5 and we ar...

The problem with having a bleeding heart is that no one can see it from the outside. You can walk around and smile, carry on conversations, and act like you always have, and no one is aware that your heart is breaking and the life is slowly oozing from you. Many of us have become adept at trying to fake it until we make it. We've become experts in plastering on a smile while inside it feels like we are dying. We've gotten good at hiding our bleeding and broken heart. And yet, we are called to share our burdens, pray for one another, and share our lives with each other. But how can that happen if we walk around trying to keep it together so no one will know what's going on deep down? It's going to take a little vulnerability and transparency. It's going to mean that you open up a bit and say what's really going on. It means swallowing our pride and allowing others to see the cracks in the armor. And that's scary because sometimes people offer up pa...

I sat on my deck with my eyes closed and just listened. Listened to a chorus of trills, chirps, and songs. Oh to be like a bird.  They flit from tree to tree, snatching up a seed or some other morsel.  No cares.  No worries.  No wondering.  They just live in the moment. I, on the other hand, hardly ever live in the moment.  Like a tape player that never shuts off, my mind mulls over past conversations, present worries, future concerns. "How are we going to pay this bill?" "What if Emily doesn't find a job when she comes home?" "Why did that person say something so unkind?" "What if I don't pass my consecration exam?" Why, what, when, how are all questions that play over and over and over. And yet, Jesus says to be a bird brain.  To live in the moment.  To have no worries. Matthew 6:25-27 ~  "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you w...

It's been raining so much that I'm starting to think I need an ark! It's a bit disheartening because the warm-weather season is so short here and it's been cold and rainy for most of the past 6 weeks. In between rain drops I try and get out and walk.  Last year when I was recovering from knee surgery, I started walking around our property because I don't always have a car and it's convenient. Three times around the perimeter was a mile so it worked perfectly. However, so far this year it's like trying to walk through a swamp so I can't do that. But down the road is a cemetery that's dry and so I've started doing that loop which is the same distance. Dan and I went to one of our favorite places on Saturday since it stayed dry most of the day. Green Lakes State Park has walking trails around a beautiful blue-green lake and is a nice place to go. My life has slowed a bit and I'm starting to be able to focus on ...

Happy Mother's Day to all my friends and family! For some this is a fun day and for others it brings up painful memories. Others just hope to get through the day and seeing all the Facebook posts stirs up loss and hurt. There are times when it's easy to compare yourself and your family to another person's and feel like you are lacking something. Maybe your mother was missing from your life or she wasn't the mom you wanted or needed. Perhaps your children are estranged or just plain thoughtless. Maybe you've been unable to have children of your own. No matter what your reality is you are loved, valued, and wanted by the Lord. He took time and effort in lovingly creating you into the woman He wanted. You are enough. You are special in HIs eyes. You are His child.  So don't place your value in a man-made holiday. Place your value in the fact that God loves you more than you can even imagine! And rather than just climb into bed and pull the covers up over y...

I have not done a Frugal Friday post in forever and thought I was due for one. Some of the reason has been the sheer busyness of ministry and some of it has been that I don't feel like I've really saved much of anything lately. I had a conversation with a friend the other day and I'm so thankful for her wise insight and advice. The ministry I do for our district is volunteer. I do receive a very small monthly stipend for the ministry I do for our church. Between the two ministries I put in about 30 hours per week. The example I had in ministry as a young adult was that you live by faith, don't ask for what you need, and you just pray and wait on the Lord. That's a wonderful model, but I think I may have taken it too far.  Some of our debt is because I have been afraid to ask for what I need or because I think it shows that I have less faith, or that it's putting a burden on the ministries. I went on a missions trip a few years back and never asked a soul ...

I was looking back over family pictures the other night and felt a lump rising in my throat and the crushing weight of anxiety settling on me. While I have so many good memories, there are also memories of difficult times, hard roads, and rocky paths. Raising a family with disabilities, mental health issues and other problems is overwhelming at times. We've never had a "normal" life compared to many of our friends and we probably never will. Yet, this is the road that God has chosen for us to walk down and I don't want to spend my time wallowing in self-pity. And I certainly don't want to complain about it.  But I don't want people to think they are alone in it either. Some of the words we deal with bring shame to some people and all too often go unspoken - anxiety, Tourette's syndrome, autism, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder and a few more thrown in for good measure. But the more it's unspoken, the easier it is to sink into depression...

Yesterday, my eldest child turned 28 years old. At the end of the month my youngest will be turning 20. When did that happen? It seems like I blinked and children have become adults.  As they have entered into their 20s there have been some bumpy spots as I've had to learn how to relate to adult children in a whole new way. Ordering them around, especially the boys, just doesn't get the same results as it used to when they were young. ;-) After dinner the other night, Stephen and Dan were talking about faith and teens and discussing how many young adults were turning their back on their faith. Stephen made the observation that some of it has to do with the way parents relate to their middle school and high school aged kids He said that when teens start questioning their faith, many parents have a tendency to give them trite Sunday school answers and shut them down immediately. Some parents relate to their teenagers like they did when they were little. It was nice to he...