Conflicted

Changes happen so quickly and often times, unexpectedly. I have found myself conflicted the past few weeks because while I don't like change, sometimes it's necessary. So while it can cause me unhappiness and stress, it can also bring about good things.

My consecration oral exam is on Tuesday and as the time looms near I am feeling conflicted because I want it to be over, and yet, it's been such a wonderful time of digging deep into God's word and studying to show myself rightly able to handle the word.  I know I've studied really hard the past two years and yet, I'm nervous that I'm going to mess up and forget what I've learned. So while I've had feelings of anxiety, they have also produced very sweet times of prayer.

This week has been a rough one and a week of conflicts as we said goodbye to the sweet lady in the picture above on Monday. I'm conflicted because while I'm glad she is no longer in pain and suffering from the tumor in her stomach, I will miss her. While I'm sad that she is gone, I'm thankful she is in heaven singing with her beautiful voice. The burial is this afternoon and then tonight is a celebration service of her life. I'm conflicted because there will be great sorrow and yet, great rejoicing.

I reacted poorly to something this morning and while I've been sitting and reflecting on what is causing such an extreme reaction, it comes down to feeling conflicted about a different situation. There is good and God's hand moving in the situation, but there is also sadness as things change. 

Life seems to be this series of conflicts, doesn't it? We have to take the good with the bad, the sadness with the joyful, and the peaceful and the stressful, feeling love and feeling anger all at once. It often seems like a roller coaster ride and it's all I can do to hang on.

And yet, in the middle of the conflicted feelings and circumstances, God is there. He is walking beside me and helping me to navigate through my life. He is helping me over the rough patches, guiding me when I can't see my way through, and rejoicing with me when I'm victorious. I am so thankful for the high points, but I'm also thankful for the low moments that keep me focusing on the One who can help me through.