Spongy

 

I am a sponge. I don't mean a sponge for information, but an emotional sponge. I soak up the emotions around me and absorb them. I really hate this about myself. It makes me very empathetic which I believe is a good thing and God has used that in ministry. However, it's a bad thing in the sense that I honestly have a very difficult time shaking off those emotions even when they aren't my own.

In ministry this is really a difficult thing because we deal with people on a daily basis who come to us with a wide range of emotions - joy, sadness, anxiety and anger. I'm fairly intuitive to people's emotions and my husband often tells me I'm an emotional barometer. I can feel the mood radiating off people even when they aren't expressing it.

I have struggled this week in many ways. As I watch the news and see emotions riding high, I'm absorbing all that. As some in our own congregation are getting frustrated with remaining closed until we are "allowed" to reopen, I absorb that emotion. I walk away from meetings feeling sick to my stomach after that frustration and anger has been expressed. I know it's really not a personal thing, and it's really directed at our governor, but I've absorbed all that anger and frustration. So the person who expressed it may feel perfectly okay afterwards, but it takes me a few days to shake it off.


This morning I really had to spend much time in prayer. I woke up depressed and weepy, but I'm thankful to say that the Lord worked on my heart. I had to repent of some control issues. I can't control others' emotions. I had to repent of some bad attitudes of my own. I asked the Lord for forgiveness and forgiveness was extended. Peace was restored.

This seems to be a lifelong struggle I have, but I am thankful that I recognize this in myself. It doesn't make me any less of a sponge, but it helps to squeeze those emotions out quicker. And I'm hoping that some day I will be a little less spongy and absorbent!