Hearts in Service

Life is messy and hard and sometimes, chaotic. It is a constant struggling and clawing and striving to move three steps forward, just to go two steps back.  And it's easy to say, "Enough!" "I want off this merry-go-round." And when you add other people's mess into your mess it is a giant pot of "ick". Being in ministry is challenging at times because people are broken and bruised. Some are hard around the edges and hold you at arm's length, while others are needy and clingy and can drain you of every bit of energy you have. I see patterns of behavior and addictions and chains that are waiting to be broken by Christ's atoning power and yet, people are content to wallow in their sin-soaked filth. Add to the mix my own sinful patterns and nature and it can just be a giant-sized mess. I can't make anyone see the light or break their chains. I can't control anything except my own responses to the...

My blog posts have been on the heavy side all week so I thought I'd post something light and fluffy today.  The sun is shining here in Central New York, our church roof is being replaced and my favorite time of the year is upon us - spring, Palm Sunday and Easter.  So I'm feeling quite joyful this morning. The big story for me today is my baby is coming home for a week! Dan is going to get her later this morning and she'll be home through Easter. Easter will be a bit different this year because she has to be back on Sunday for classes the next day.  You'd think they would put a travel day in there but apparently not.  Stephen is doing great in his job as dog counter (enumerator) and it really seems to be a great job for his personality and motivating for him.  He gets paid by the amount of dogs he counts so it keeps him wanting to get out there and be busy. But it's not without its perils.  So far he's been threatened by a person, bit by a dog, b...

My mother's heart is bursting this morning and tears have been in my eyes all morning since I opened up Facebook.  My eldest son, Nathan, has multiple disabilities.  I've shared it here before.  Tourette's syndrome, multiple learning disabilities, and PPD-NOS (autism spectrum disorder). He also struggles with speech difficulties (apraxia), allergies and other health issues.  I'm never sure why God entrusted one person with so many challenges and Nathan struggles with this as well.   Through the years, he has fought to overcome bullying, teasing and being misunderstood.  He has fought his own private struggles. It seems no matter how many times he is knocked down, he gets back up and fights through the pain and his good nature prevails.   But he faces a monumental wall and it's not easy to tear it down.  But he certainly tries harder than anyone I know. I recently felt such pain for him as he sent the local fire chief a text to let him k...

I had an all day meeting yesterday at our district office.  It was a wonderful day of encouragement with fellow ministry leaders and pastors, as we had some training on different aspects of the ministry. We ate lunch together, talked and laughed.   After the meeting, I stayed and met with my mentor and another friend who quizzed me on some of my consecration questions. I appreciate this time I can meet with her to go over the questions and solidify my answers each month before my future exam.  Then we went out to dinner with other friends and it was a fun few hours, chatting, swapping stories and laughing.  It was one of those days that I wish didn't have to end. In fact, when my friend offered to let me spend the night I was so tempted. But I knew I had things to do here so I reluctantly headed home.  I didn't want to come back to my reality. Not because I don't like it here, but because I was enjoying my mountaintop experience. It reminded me of the o...

I have a meeting first thing in the morning so I'm working on this tonight. I love Mondays for many reasons and this is one of them. I like having a fresh start and moving forward with my goals each week. T yping this up each week and being able to come back and cross them off has done much to help me keep focused and reach my goals. The past few weeks I could feel myself crossing the line from busy to overextended. I love doing many things and do get bored easily, but there comes a point when I know I need to let go of something because I'm not doing anything to the best of my ability. I get in this frantic pace which is leading me towards a crash! Dan and I had some good conversations this past week and he helped me get some clarity.  I took a look at what I'm doing and made a decision about what I could let go of in order to free up some time. I let our worship leader know that I needed to step off the worship team for a time. I love singing and it is the one...

It was one of those days.  You know what I'm talking about.  A day when nothing went right.  Harsh thoughts turned into harsh words that flew off my lips.  When I wanted to hide away in my room and never come out.  It was the kind of day when I thought, "Why do I even try?"  A day when I couldn't take one more burden on without feeling like my back was going to break.  When my spirit seemed to close up inside of me.  So often our hearts can feel as if they are surrounded by ice and cold.  We are frozen in our tracks by whatever overwhelming situation we face.  No amount of sun will cause the frigid temperatures to warm.  We are faced with an unending situation that wraps icy fingers around us and we want to give up.  "What's the use?"  "Why do I even try?"  Yet as believers, we have hope.  Hope that the Son will melt the ice that is forming around our hearts.  Hope in knowing that...

"Why can't you just do what I ask?", I wailed. As the words came pouring out of my mouth I could hear the desire to control in them. I winced. Once again I wanted to have things done my way. I want control, not because I want to be all powerful or be "the boss."  I want control because being out of control makes me lose the feeling of safety and orderliness. Being in control means everything is right with the world and there is peace in my soul. But God didn't call me to a life of being in control. Everything that I do in following Him is about relinquishing my desire to be in charge of my life.  "Let go, be still and know that I am God." is what He says. That may mean the things that I deem safe and reliable are the things that I need to let go.  Letting go means that I may lose something. Relinquishing my hold may mean that God has a different plan for my life than I have. It may mean that God is working in someone else a...

It seems as if I go through many stages in my life of being stretched and pulled and pruned. As much as it pains me to say, God is not finished with me yet and I have so much growth that needs to happen in my life.  I wrote the following a few years ago, but it's applicable to my situation today so I thought I'd remind myself again. John 15:1-8 (NIV) ~   I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes [ so that it will be even more fruitful.   You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.   Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.   “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.   If you do not remain i...