Hearts in Service

Indecisive, inadequate, unsure, anxious and fearful.  These words describe my feelings over the past year as I've adjusted to a new church, have started to develop new relationships while mourning the loss of previous relationships.  I've felt like I've been in this strange twilight land and I don't belong anywhere.  It's been frustrating to me because I usually embrace change and this has been so incredible hard on me.  I hate that I struggle with these emotions and it's been an uphill battle to take captive these destructive thoughts. However, I've noticed a change in myself over the past couple of months.  I feel like I'm coming into the light and can finally see after a long time in darkness.  I'm feeling more like my old self.  I'm becoming more confident.  I'm finding joy in the things I do.  I'm less worried about what people think.  I'm enjoying doing things with my style and not thinking that it has to be done a d...

I Timothy 2:1-8 (MSG) ~ The first thing I want you to do is pray. Pray every way you know how, for everyone you know. Pray especially for rulers and their governments to rule well so we can be quietly about our business of living simply, in humble contemplation. This is the way our Savior God wants us to live. He wants not only us but everyone saved, you know, everyone to get to know the truth we’ve learned: that there’s one God and only one, and one Priest-Mediator between God and us—Jesus, who offered himself in exchange for everyone held captive by sin, to set them all free. Eventually the news is going to get out. This and this only has been my appointed work: getting this news to those who have never heard of God, and explaining how it works by simple faith and plain truth. Since prayer is at the bottom of all this, what I want mostly is for men to pray—not shaking angry fists at enemies but raising holy hands to God. Prayer is hard work and so often, we relegate it to a...

  John 15:1-8 (NIV) ~   I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes [ so that it will be even more fruitful.   You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.   Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.   “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.   If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.   If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.   This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.   SN...

Back in January, I posted about deciding to pray and think about a word to focus on this year as a goal.  Along with the word and verse, I also came up with a list of goals I wanted to achieve. Well, one of the problems I've always had is I make these wonderful goals and then as time goes on, I fizzle out.  So I've been revisiting them from time to time to make sure I'm staying on track.  I've been doing okay with the actual goals.  There are a few areas that I need to stay focused on, but overall not too bad. However, this morning as I was thinking and praying about a situation I realized I haven't been focusing on my word very much at all.  The word was intentional and here is the original post about that.  So I need to refocus, reevaluate and cut out the few things I've allowed to creep in which are keeping me from what I feel the Lord wants me to do.  I often get caught up in the moment of someone else's idea and find myself stuck i...

In the icy grip of winter it is hard to feel as if anything green will ever grow again.  I try and remember the days of warm breezes, beautiful flowers and green grass.  But it's hard to conjure up those remembrances. Day after day passes and they feel long and unending.  I often feel as if I'm in a daze and going through the motions.  The white, the gray and the dullness will never end. And then gradually, I begin to realize the sunlight is lasting longer.  It begins to have a different feel.  My spirit starts to have an hour or two, or even a day or two of feeling lighter.  As I look at the calendar I realize spring is coming. And beneath all that white, life has been pushing it's way to the surface.  Until it pops through the ground and there it is...green!  Once again, I'm reminded that the sun will shine bright.  The warm wind will blow and flowers will bloom.  Spring always comes after the winter.  Wi...

Psalm 34:8-10 ~ "Taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him. Fear the Lord, you His saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing."   "How do you know you won't like it unless you try it?"   These are words I spoke to my children many times when they were younger and they had pronounced they didn't like something I put in front of them.  The rule in our house has always been you have to eat what is put before you and they had to at least try something new.  If they really didn't like it then I usually didn't make it again, but they had to try the first time.  More often than not, they ended up tasting and finding out it was really good. In this Psalm the writer is saying the same thing.  "Taste of the Lord."  "Try Him and you will see He is good."  Obviously, he is not talking of physical taste, but instead...

"Father forgive them because they do not know what they are doing." I am amazed at Jesus' ability to see through the behaviors and actions of that shouting mob and look straight at the heart.  As he hung suffering on the cross, listening to the mocking and hate spewing out of the mouths of his executioners, he looked straight through to their heart and saw what was behind the words. "Father forgive them because they do not know what they are doing." When my accusers poke fun at me, or gossip about me or snub me can I do the same?  Can I look past their hurtful words and attitudes and see them through God's eyes?  When I feel hated and hurt, despised and rejected can I forgive? "Father forgive them because they do not know what they are doing." It's hard isn't it?  I play and replay conversations over and over again.  I create scenarios where I'm able to speak my piece so eloquently.  I create conversations where I'm abl...

There have been a few women in my life whom stand out to me.... Each Sunday, my father would pick us up and take us to our grandmother's for Sunday dinner.  I remember each week she would prepare a huge meal down to the pies and cakes for her large brood.  The women would clean up the kitchen after the meal while the men were in various stages of talking or napping around the house.  ;-)  We children would run around the farm, climbing trees and generally getting into trouble.  My grandmother was a sweet, quiet spoken woman who willingly served her family this way. My mother worked long, long hours as a single mom but I do remember her always making a large Saturday morning breakfast.  Apple fritters were at the top of the list.  I also recall numerous Halloween costumes being sewn for me as a child. My pastor's wife while I was growing up managed the kitchen of the Bible Institute that she and her husband started.  Each summer, campers wo...

I started making and selling bread again after taking a break for a few months.  I am a vendor at a local coffee shop and café and one of the owners asked I would be willing to come once a week for a couple of hours to help her bake some items for the shop.  In exchange, I'm bringing my bread there to sell.  I'm always feeling like I'm losing money on the bread but have never really sat down to figure out exactly what it costs me.  I decided it was time that I sit down and work it all out. I priced out each of the ingredients (long, tedious work) and then factored in the cost of baking as well as my time and I was pleasantly surprised.  Because I have a wonderful source for cheaper baking supplies, I actually am doing fairly well.  In fact, I was able to lower the price of each loaf a bit which will help it sell better. I buy my supplies at a Mennonite store that is out in the middle of nowhere.  They have wonderful fa...

I remember sobbing with fear into my pillow one night as a six year old, because I had just watched my father shove my mother to the floor.  She had come home late from work and he had been drinking.  He accused her of all sorts of terrible things and as their voices shouted at one another, I was terrified.  A few years later, my parents separated and later, divorced.  Psalm 66:16 (NIV) ~ Come and hear, all you who fear God;      let me tell you what he has done for me. God took that frightened little girl and put her into a relationship with a wonderful, Godly man who is a committed husband and terrific dad.  We have been married for almost 27 years and I never once have worried about the stability of our relationship. As a young teenager, I sat on a boulder on a mountain top and committed my life to serving God in full-time ministry.  I had no idea how or what that would mean for me.  I was apprehensive on how...

Dan and I are working on the program and liturgy for a community Good Friday service and as I've reflected on Christ's death on the cross, my heart is overwhelmed with thanksgiving for this sacrifice for me. However, if I'm honest, I don't always think about it and there are days I certainly don't live it.  I grumble and grouch my way through many days.  I complain horribly about the little inconveniences in my day.  I live as if the world revolves around me and forget to look outside myself at others. Christ paid the ultimate sacrifice for my sins.  His hands and feet were ripped open with the nails and his side pierced with a sword.  Should my response to this sacrifice be any less than absolute thankfulness? It is good to reflect on these things because it reminds me to appreciate the blessings in my life. This week I'm thankful for blessings 2376 - 2385. 2376.  Dan made it home safe and sound with Stephen and we are enjoying him b...

I thought today I'd share some little "bits" of my week.  It seems as if that's all I have to offer.  Nothing huge.  No big exciting announcements.  Just bread crumbs.    Stephen is home for a week and I'm glad he's here.  He hasn't been feeling well so I'm looking forward to doctoring and feeding him.  I was telling some friends last night that I am much more enthused about cooking when he's home because first of all, he loves to eat and secondly, Nathan is usually always working so it's just myself and Dan and Emily (who eats like a bird).   Yesterday, the owner of the local coffee shop asked if I'd be willing to come and bake for the shop a few hours, one day a week and in lieu of pay, I'll be able to bring my breads and sell them there.  It's an arrangement that seems satisfactory so I took her up on it.  I have my permit from the Department of Agriculture and she has obtained use of a certified kitchen (she doesn...

I woke up this morning at 4:00 a.m. and just couldn't get back to sleep.  So I decided to get up and go out into our heated sunroom and have my time with the Lord.  However, as I came to the door, turned on the light and looked down at the steps leading into the room I saw a large wet spot.  I have a leaking ceiling.  It's one of the hazards of ice damming on the roof. It must not have started too soon before I woke up because it wasn't too wet but as the day warms up, I know it will get worse.  It is leaking over the entire door frame so I have towels down and buckets to catch the drips. I settled down in my chair with coffee, Bible and journal in hand but I found it hard to concentrate.  The constant drip, drip, dripping into the bucket is distracting and to be honest, driving me nuts! :-) I was reminded of the following verse in Proverbs. Proverbs 19:13 ~ A foolish son is his father's ruin and a wife's nagging is an endless dripping. This ...

I haven't done a Multitude Monday in quite a few weeks.  I have been counting my blessings daily on Facebook as I attempt to come up with one thing each day for the entire year.  To be honest, it's not difficult any more.  As I think about it, I can find all sorts of things in my life to be thankful for; more than one a day.  So I'm glad that I'm also doing this here with the overflow of blessings. :-) I find that counting increases my joy.  It helps me to find the meaningful in the mundane activities of each day.  It helps to expand my awareness of how God is working in my life.  Even in the midst of the difficult challenges, and there are many, God still blesses and provides. I hope I go to the grave, counting! This week I'm thankful for blessings 2366 - 2375     2366.  A wonderful open house.  It was a much smaller group than anticipated but we had a wonderful time and because there were less people, more meaningful con...