Hearts in Service

Anxious knots in my stomach, a creased brow, and unwelcome, insecurities buzzed around my head the past couple of days. Many times when this happens it is a sure sign that I'm placing my identity in the wrong thing. I start to rely on myself, my gifts, my work and when things don't go as planned I feel like a failure. When I don't get the results I expected I spiral down to a place of self-recrimination. I lose confidence because I start relying on others' opinions, affirmations and words rather on keeping my focus on the Lord. The insecurity rollercoaster is a scary ride because no matter how much affirmation you get, one word of critique will plunge you down into the depths. But as I open God's word I am reminded that my identity is in Christ. My value is in what He says about me. My successes or failures are meaningless in the light of His love. My "success" isn't up to me nor does it validate my life. My "failure" isn't a refle...

A friend's husband loves to tease Dan about the fact that many times the flowers he gives me are leftovers from funerals he has done. I honestly don't mind because I like flowers and I'm frugal. So when I get free and gorgeous arrangements, why would I complain? 😉 These beauties were from a funeral he did this week. I find it amazing at how quickly we have adjusted to our new life here. And much of that is because it was very clear that this was the new assignment that God had given us. He has walked with us through each step of the way and for that I'm thankful. This weekend I made cookies and we delivered them to the neighbors. We've been here 7 weeks and still had not met any of them. It's winter and people aren't out in their yards so I felt like we should take the initiative. So I packaged them up with a label letting them know who we are and we went knocking on doors. It was a bit out of my comfort zone but I'm glad we did it. We met ...

Ezekiel 18:20b-23 ~ "Righteous people will be rewarded for their own righteous behavior, and wicked people will be punished for their own wickedness. But if wicked people turn away from all their sins and begin to obey my decrees and do what is just and right, they will surely live and not die. All their past sins will be forgotten, and they will live because of the righteous things they have done. "Do you think that I like to see wicked people die? says the Sovereign Lord. Of course not! I want them to turn from their wicked ways and live." Throughout the years, I've heard people say that they have a hard time believing in a God who punishes people. God did not create us as little puppets who will do exactly what He wants. He gave us a free will to choose how we will live. He sets up guidelines in His Word as a standard, but it is ultimately our choice. We choose to follow Him or we choose not to. However, there are consequences for the decision...

We are starved for quiet, to hear the sound of sheer silence that is the presence of God himself.  ~ Ruth Haley Barton I've been in a strange head space lately. I went from having tons of ministry activity, most of which involved leadership and teaching, to coming to what feels like a screeching halt. We've been here a month and I'm still finding my way in our new church. There is lots of "activity" I can do, but I'm being very slow and selective about plunging into the ministry pool because I see a problem with just jumping in. When I look back at some of the activity I've done in the past I wonder how much of that was really from the Lord and how much of it was me stepping into roles that perhaps I shouldn't have. And that's not because I wasn't capable of doing them, but at times, the activity overtook the need to hear from God. I can become so busy with activity when what the longing inside of me really needs is more of God. M...

Daily life is a constant barrage of words and noise. I'm finding myself exhausted by social media lately. Everyone has an opinion and there is a lot of talking with very little listening. There are thousands of opinions, hundreds of memes shared, and too many words. I've been reading a book by Charles Ringma called, "The Seeking Heart - A Journey with Henri Nouwen" and it is a series of short reflections on the human condition. It's striking a chord with me.  I can spend a lot of time scrolling through my Facebook page, reading blogs, looking at photos on Instagram and on and on it goes. The problem with that is I am hammered on a daily basis by opinion and words. The more time I spend listening to others, the less time I have to hear from the Lord. My heart is seeking for more of God and yet, much of the time I'm busy filling it with more of people's opinion. A friend of mine had a stroke recently which left her searching for the right word to say ...

At times, life can seem like one long, endless road trip. We are headed home and it feels as if we will never get there. We've seen some great sights along the way, stopped a time or two for rest, and been through some difficult terrain, but in the end we just want to get home.  But there is still a lot of road ahead and many miles to go. G od isn't finished with me yet and I don't want to miss the sights along the way because I'm looking forward. I also know that there will be bumpy roads ahead, and while I'm not looking forward to those times, I know that He is with me on this trip. But there are days when my heart looks forward with longing to the time when I'll pull into the driveway, breathe a sigh of relief and be able to say, "I'm home!" 2 Corinthians 5:6-9 (TLB) ~ Now we look forward with confidence to our heavenly bodies, realizing that every moment we spend in these earthly bodies is time spent away from our eternal home...

I woke up with the feeling that my hands were on fire and when I looked, they were covered with hives. As I dug at my palms and fingers the raging itching would not subside. The only thing that works is the prescription ointment the doctor gave me. I never know when I'm going to have a flare-up of the dyshidrotic eczema that I deal with year round. The same is true with my insecurities. Things will be humming along when all of the sudden, unwelcome thoughts tear at my well-being. No matter how much I try to ignore them, those ugly thoughts chip away at me. While these insecurities may show up in different forms the ultimate message is, "You are not enough!" I am thankful that I've lived long enough to recognize this ugly lie from the enemy of my soul. And while I may struggle with that unsettling feeling for a few days, I know it's an untruth. I know that if I stay focused on what I'm not , I'll never remember who I am. And God reminds me who I...

Made broccoli-cheddar soup for Dan and Nathan one day Still need to put up new curtains I unpacked my final box last week and have it all put away. Things are settling into a rhythm here and I'm finally finding my groove.  This week I started sewing again and adding things to my Etsy shop and I'm thankful that I have a room to do this in here. It's a combination office/sewing room and Stephen stays there when he's visiting, so it's not all my own, but it works and it keeps the creative mess out of the rest of the house. Our new city has an awesome library and we made a trip there last week. I have missed going and I was excited to see that it's a large library with two floors of books. We have a new doctor and he is thorough and the staff is pleasant and easy to deal with. We've gotten to know our way around fairly easily and I'm thankful that all the stores and necessities are within a 5 mile radius. The past 20 years o...

I was at the gym yesterday and there was a home improvement show on where home designers come into a home and upgrade it to the owner's specifications. The home they were looking at was about 4,000 square feet and gorgeous. As the couple was going through and showing the contractors what they wanted they kept saying, "We need more space." "This is not big enough for our needs." "We want a laundry room." and on and on it went. The thought that went through me as I was listening was that we, as a society, have become all about hoarding things and greed. I'm reading through the Gospel of Luke and was reading in Luke 12 the other day. Jesus shares the parable of the rich man who hoards his wealth. God comes to claim his life and calls him a fool for storing up treasure for himself rather than using what he had for the Lord. Right on the heals of this parable, Jesus tells the disciples not to worry about what they will eat or what they will wear ...

"Why did I share that?" "Who is going to run this ministry?" "I need to pick up hay for the rabbit." "What if xyz happens?" "Then what we will do?" I was sitting and trying to read my Bible this morning but my thoughts kept wandering. I was reflecting on my day in church yesterday, thinking about a family situation, mulling over what I should do today, regretting something I said, and on and on it went. Each time I would try to focus but those thoughts and concerns kept buzzing back. I probably read two chapters without really reading them. Then my eyes and mind finally focused on the words on the page.  Luke 10:38-42 ~ While they were traveling, he entered a village, and a woman named Martha welcomed him in to her home. She had a sister named Mary, who also sat at the Lord’s feet and was listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks, and she came up and asked, “Lord, don’t you care ...